


Untold Story

by redpenfics



Category: Bon Jovi (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 08:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 27,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redpenfics/pseuds/redpenfics
Summary: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! I've been writing for some time now and decided to post some of my stuff here on AO3, too. I was inspired with some real interviews and BJ related stuff because I’m a sucker for details. It turns out our boys are indeed romantic, I love putting all the pieces together, like a jigsaw puzzle. I’ve come up with the title reading a quote “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” by Maya Angelou. It’s fictional, although I really wanted to make it as believable as possible. No money made, no poking fun at anybody. Just LOVE. Enjoy!

“Dave, what the hell is going on? Man, you’re acting batshit crazy today!” Jon yelled at his mate staring him down.

“Don’t tell me what I am supposed to do! He’s the last to join the happy gang and he thinks he’s a little diva here having the last fucking word all the fucking time!” Dave was furious and there was no sign that he’d be out of this mood anytime soon.

“Cut that shit, dude. I’ve had enough. This little sweet talking just fucked me up. If your sorry ass doesn’t want to calm down, I’m out. I have better things to do than listen to your ongoing crap.”

“Fine by me! I’m sure you’re having a sweet little date with that little fucker you’re calling your best friend now. I’m sure once the song is written, he’s already sucking your dick.”

Jon gasped. He surely didn’t see it coming. He felt his face flushing with boiling anger. 

“How dare you?!” This was the only thing Jon managed to choke out. He was so stunned that he didn’t know what to say or do. He wanted to come up to David and punch him in the face but instead, he just glared at him.

“Get the fuck out of here. Now!” He yelled and watched the blonde leave the room slamming the door so hard they almost fell off the hinge.

He found a cigarette in his pocket and lit it up nervously. After a few drags he felt he was able to think coherently again. He went out on the balcony and inhaled sharply. He was completely bewildered with his friend’s behavior and as his own anger began to go out of him, a strange idea came across his mind. 

_Man, is he jealous or what?_

Jon tried to trace back the events to look for some clues. They were just hanging out, had a blast at the party where they all got very drunk. Dave seemed to enjoy himself. 

_That must be something else._ Jon frowned. Then he remembered how they had just written a song they hoped would become a smash hit. ‘In these arms’. Well, basically, it was Jon and Dave trying to write together like it used to be in the very beginning but they just couldn’t get it right. And then Richie came and saved the day. They celebrated the success with some booze later on but Dave just wasn’t himself. Jon thought maybe he was sick or something because he left pretty early for his standards. 

_Oh, so that was it…oh my God, he’s jealous!_

This sudden realization caught him off guard. He absent-mindedly covered his mouth with his left hand and looked somewhere in front of him. It was pretty late, the sky was like a painting with fiery colours of the sunset. 

Jon was thinking furiously how to tackle the situation without giving away the whole truth. He knew that in this case it would do more harm than good and all he wanted was to make sure his old buddy knew they were still fast friends. It’s just he and Richie were the best songwriting partnership he could imagine. They were in each other’s heads, reading each other’s minds. They completed each other in a way both knew was unique and precious. It was that close bond of mind and soul that finally led to connection on the physical level as well. 

Jon smiled to himself. Those were some fond memories which always warmed his heart. Sure, the whole relationship evolved. There had been some ups and downs. Hell, they almost lost it for good at one point. The whole band was cracking at the seams and he just couldn’t save it. It was just his old tattoo, he wasn’t a Superman. When he eloped with Dorothea, got hitched in some fucking chapel in Las Vegas and then got very drunk with his newly married wife, it wasn’t all romantic for sure. He admired Dorothea for being such a strong woman, she put up with a lot of shit and he knew she would be there when he crawled back to her after he’d cheated on her again. Not that he confessed to her, she just knew. Jon wondered what price he would have to ultimately pay and where it would lead them. He surely knew he loved the woman and if anybody was the one for him, it was Dorothea. 

And then there was Richie. His best friend. His soul mate. The man that got him questioning his sexual orientation. Jon was always a very sexual person, starting from a pretty young age but he never considered another man to be sexually attractive to him. He had gay friends, sure, but it was none of his business and he just didn’t care. Girls and women of all ages were after him so he didn’t even think seriously about getting involved with anyone until he met Dorothea at school and actually felt something more. He was into her, in the initial stages even tried to be romantic around her, brought her flowers and made her feel loved. Deep inside he knew it wasn’t like that, though. He was a runaway in love. He just couldn’t be with someone one hundred per cent. His upbringing was tough, his parents weren’t those warm people you could see in some family movies. He surely got his ass beaten once in a while and the fact he simply hated school didn’t help much. His mother got him a guitar but as stubborn as he was, Jon just didn’t do anything if he didn’t feel like doing it or was made to do so. Luckily, years later he found a man who would become his teacher and who would not put up with his bumming around. 

Jon let out a small laugh at this recollection thinking this time he should be forever grateful for being told off. He noticed the cigarette was long burnt, there was some ash on his sleeve so he just brushed it off and sighed. The sun had already set and the sky was getting dark. He felt light breeze on his face and in his hair so he just closed his eyes. It felt nice and his body shuddered a little at the sensation. He just wanted to forget about everything, stop thinking, analyzing and being in this damn pensive mood he constantly got himself into.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. 

“Jon, you there, man?” A familiar voice was heard behind the door. Jon found himself woken up from thought.

“Yeah, come in. The door’s open,” Jon called out and went inside the room closing the balcony door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’ve been looking for you. I thought something happened because you just didn’t show up after the rehearsal and I thought we could have a glass or two. Or is it too late now?” 

Richie gave Jon a crooked smile, almost apologetic for coming so late.

“Huh?” Jon replied absent-mindedly, as if he needed more time to process the words.

“I asked if you wanted to hang out a little. Are you busy? I don’t want to disturb you, you know.” Richie’s face showed concern and it amused Jon.

“Nah, man. I’m not busy, actually I’m done with serious thinking for today. I feel like downing some wine. And since you’re in the same mood, just wait here. I’m back in five minutes.”

“Great. I’ll put some music on in the meantime,” Richie grinned and browsed through a stack of CDs sitting on the rack in the corner. Calm bluesy music soon filled up the room. Richie couldn’t help himself and lit some candles, too. Cheesy or not, he loved them and all his girlfriends knew it just too well, getting a few on different occasions. 

Jon returned with a bottle and two glasses and laughed at the sight. Richie was this romantic fool he himself didn’t dare to become. And yet, with Richie it just felt so natural. The guy was so in sync with his soft side it never took anything away from his masculinity. Jon thought this trait of Richie was one of the things that drew him to the man and made him comfortable not only around him, but also with being himself. He was a tough guy, never showing true emotions, always playing and pretending, being this arrogant kid a little too much. And then he met the guy with his heart on his sleeve, genuine, cracking jokes and making everybody laugh, seemingly always in a good mood. The man who was not afraid of being affectionate, hugging and touching in public. 

The whole band was like a gang, they all felt comfortable around each other but Richie made Jon redefine his own personal space even further. They strangely felt like they were one person so nothing sounded or looked inappropriate whether they were prancing and leaning onto each other on stage, singing to one microphone, almost touching noses and breathing into each other’s faces, or holding those long stares during interviews. It was all naturally progressing without them fully realize it was happening since day one. Or maybe a little later. 

The beginnings were pretty strange. It was Alec who met Jon first. Richie left to Los Angeles to audition for KISS and told him to do whatever he wanted while he was away. Alec told him that he met this interesting kid named John Bongiovi who was really good and Richie should come down and see them play. As Richie later admitted in an interview, he went there and was blown away with Jon’s charisma. It was just magic. After the show, he simply went backstage and gave him a verbal resume. Jon wasn’t impressed. He told him he knew lots of good musicians and he already had a good friend in the band. What he didn’t mention was that it was temporary and didn’t intend to keep him much longer anyway. Then Richie did something that surprised both of them - going down on his knee and almost proposing to Jon. He knew it was now or never. 

"Here I am! I have made some records before and I'm a pro and I'm not full of baloney. We should get together and try something."

Jon was definitely bewildered. He thought Richie was a little crazy because he was so forward, but he took a liking to the guy and thought to himself Why not? especially that he was writing his own songs too. Jon actually saw him play with Alec and the band opening for Joe Cocker twice but it was a little too bluesy for what he was doing. Alec was great but Richie didn’t fit his vision. Even though the guy tried to steal his heart with this silly song by Bad Company. 

_Of course, if you skip the last verse. Man, Richie was acting like a love-struck fool since the day one._ Jon chuckled to himself at the memory and shook his head. He fast forwarded to the day he actually picked up the phone and called Richie. He’d been thinking about the guy for a few days and decided to invite him to a rehearsal. He had nothing to lose anyway. He got stuck in the traffic and cursed under his breath when he found out there was a road accident and had to wait over an hour. By the time he got to the place, Richie had whipped the band into shape, jamming some obscure songs. Jon smiled to himself. Richie was in his element, rocking the stage and doing impossible stuff on his guitar. He was sure the guitarist’s fingers caught fire and it looked like bolts of lightning were being thrown from his hands. He stood there, amazed, not making a sound. When the band finally finished the jam, Jon came closer and started clapping his hands. All he said was "You're hired." 

Richie’s eyes were like two black diamonds, shining with joy and gratitude. 

“Thanks, man!” Was his answer, as short as meaningful, and they both gave each other a high five. 

The rest of the guys were cheering and patting each other’s backs.

“So that means we’re a band now?” Alec asked, his voice quavering with excitement.

“Yeah, I think so,” Jon grinned. “Welcome aboard, fellow partners in crime. We’re gonna give rock’n’roll a new name.”

“A bad name!” Richie grinned back.

“Where’s beer? We need to drink to our success!” 

Alec didn’t waste any time taking a leap to the man behind the bar and ordering a few pints.


	3. Chapter 3

Jon sighed. They hadn’t even started yet and they already felt like lifetime companions in a rock band. It was the magic of beginnings and the best was yet to come. 

After celebrating the foundation of the gang, he and Richie decided to hang out for an afternoon in Jon’s house and try writing together to see what would become of it. Jon’s parents hosted them generously, making them spaghetti Richie would reminisce about years later. They wrote two songs. They weren't the best songs they ever written, but from the start they could see that they were compatible. They clicked immediately as a songwriting team putting the right words which would make “Burning for love” and “Come back”. Girls! They could write about them all the time! Love, sex, passion, desire, heartbreaks, it was all there. 

When Jon took out a bottle of wine smartly hidden in his closet, he confirmed his conviction that they also got on as friends. After a few hours which felt like minutes they realized that they had a similar upbringing and a similar focus on the future. They believed they could make it if they worked hard enough, having the support of their families and counting on some good luck waiting for them. And the two of them felt unstoppable, being on the verge of something big and beautiful. 

When Jon put the final dot on the paper, it’d already got dark outside and there was just a dim light in the room. Two empty bottles of wine were standing next to the desk. He locked his eyes with Richie’s, his face was burning and his whole body trembling with excitement. Richie was feeling the same, a huge grin across his face.

“Man, we did it!” He cried, aflame with excitement. 

Then they fell into this bear hug and felt jolts of electricity running through their bodies. When they drew apart, their eyes were like big black orbs with dilated pupils.

“I’m so happy we met. I think we’re seriously making history now,” Jon gasped out, slightly embarrassed with his confession.

“Thanks again for taking me in. You won’t regret it, I promise.” Suddenly Richie had this serious expression on his face and Jon felt a knot in his stomach. He swallowed nervously and smiled widely, feigning amusement.

“Nah, man. We’re a good match. I’ve always wanted a real band, not just me and session musicians I barely know.”

“We’re almost strangers ourselves,” Richie smiled, a playful joke playing on his lips.

“We’re not!” Jon protested, patting Richie on the arm. “We’re getting on really well. I think I like you,” he smiled shyly.

“Yeah, I was just joking. I’m totally on the same page, man. You’re a great friend, a brother I never had,” Richie smiled back, his dimples showing. 

Jon thought they were the most adorable things ever, giving Richie this innocent, childlike look that won him over so many beautiful women. And his heart, too.

**

“Jon? You’re mad or something? I repeated my question twice and you haven’t answered at all. Is everything OK?”

Richie’s voice tainted with deep concern woke up Jon from the deep thoughts. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

“Nah, man. I was just thinking about something. Happy memories, no worries. What was your question again?”

Richie gave him a funny look but decided against going into details about that.

“I asked you if you were hungry because I would certainly have a bite.”

Jon laughed. “You’re always hungry, Sambora. You should get yourself a personal cook.”

“But you can’t cook,” Richie’s lips curved in a mischievous smile.

“Forget it. You can’t afford me anyway,” Jon bit back.

“Who said it’s all about money, babe?” Richie cooed and made a few steps towards him. 

Jon felt his temperature rising. He was watching Richie expectantly. The brunette came up so close he could feel the heat emanating from his body. Jon froze, unsure of what was going to happen next. Richie ran his fingers over his right hand and grasped the bottle.

“I’ll help you.”

Jon let out a small puff of air. “You bastard, stop teasing me like that!”

“Like what?” Richie asked innocently, opening the wine and pouring it into the glasses.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know,” Jon frowned. He wanted to sound like he was joking but came across as a little too annoyed. Richie sensed it just too well and snorted.

“Jonny, cheer up! You’re terribly stiff today. A little more wine and perhaps you’ll become this crazy little thing again. The 80s were the golden times, man!” 

Jon saw his huge grin and suddenly wanted to punch him in the face. Instead, he shook his head as if he wanted to get rid of bad thoughts and smiled back. After all, it was just his problem and he didn’t want to get into fight with the man again. Especially not now after they had resolved their differences on the Caribbean, having this fucking therapy session they hardly believe would help. But it did, thank God.

“You’re right. I guess I still haven’t come to terms with that.”

“With what?” Richie instantly became serious and was watching Jon’s face closely.

“With us,” Jon looked at Richie in the hope of being understood while saying so little. Richie looked puzzled.


	4. Chapter 4

“You’re not happy I came over, right? What’s wrong? You said you’re not busy. I wanted to spend some time with you. We’re recording this damn album but today I just wanted to be. Not to work, write or record stuff. Just be. You and me. Like we used to be. Oh, maybe with a company of some beautiful and very drunk chicks,” Richie chuckled at the memory.

Jon laughed and relaxed in an instant. Richie’s eyes were glistening in the dimmed light and Jon felt a flutter in his stomach. 

_It’s not over, damn it._ He cursed wordlessly.

“Just some weird thoughts, that’s all,” Jon shrugged. “I want a drink now. For the new beginning!” 

The glasses clicked. Cheap wine went to their heads as they were drinking and they were just sitting across the table, exchanging no words but dealing with a storm of thoughts raging in their brains. 

_“The Grey Summer” and suicidal thoughts. The uncertainty of the future. Firing everybody from the management through agents and advisers to Doc himself. Big and nasty arguments with Richie over money and contribution to the band. Possible jealousy and bitterness coming from his guitarist. The unsettled feelings and burning memories of the wild youth. It was all fresh to Jon’s mind._

_A sense of betrayal. Eloping with Dorothea without a word just after they had had this BIG argument they just couldn’t face each other for a few days straight. Quarrels over money, the battle of egos. ‘Stranger’, his baby, was a flop. He expected much more. Hell, he wanted out of Jon’s shadow. And even when they got back, just one look and he knew he was possessed again. Those long months apart were like catching a breath or two. It clicked into place as if they said goodbye to each other just yesterday. And Richie knew his heart was like a blur around this man, drawing no distinct mark between their close bond as fast friends and the pain of getting involved a little too much with no way back._

Jon was the first to speak. He raked his fingers through his newly short cut and sighed.

“I’m afraid we’re not done with therapy, Rich. This time it involves just you and me, though.”

“I can see you took a liking to these group confessions, didn’t you?” Richie pursed his lips in a small smile.

“We need to communicate if we want to stay together as a band,” Jon said firmly, giving Richie a searching stare.

“We’ve already discussed that on the Caribbean. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me?”

“I can’t forget.”

“Forget what?” Richie’s genuine interest encouraged Jon to speak. Or maybe it was the wine, they had already opened another bottle.

“You.”

For some unknown reason Richie felt a pang in his heart.

“What did I do wrong this time?”

“You loved me.”

Richie flinched at the words, he certainly didn’t see them coming.

“I still love you.”

“We should have stopped at doing the foursome. It was already enough.”

“Does it mean you’re having regrets now? You surely were enjoying yourself at the time,” Richie reminded him snidely.

“You’re not making it any easier for me now. Stop being an ass.”

“I’m not. Actually it’s you who’s fucking with me. I never forced you. You were the one who initiated the whole game. You almost came begging for it.”

Jon tried to fake a smile but through clenched jaws it was more of a grimace.

“It was never a game for me and you know that.”

“So why the afterthoughts? We’re past it if you want to feel better about yourself. Do you need an absolution or what?”

Jon felt anger boiling in his veins but tried his best to remain calm and continue this conversation. He knew it was going to be hard but patience was never one of his qualities. Ultimately, he went for blunt honesty because he was sick and tired of all those half-truths and guessing games.

“When you started teasing me like that…I think I got angry at myself and at you because, you know, those feelings are still there, man. I’m scared.”

There was no reply. For several agonizing seconds the two men were just looking at each other and breathing. Finally, Richie extended his hand and touched Jon’s.

“It’s even worse. I don’t think I’ll be over you anytime soon, if ever.” He squeezed the hand for a brief moment and let go.

“I’m a married man, Rich.”

“I know it very well. You don’t have to remind me as if your wedding band wasn’t a reminder in itself.”

“I’m sorry. I had to.”

“You love her. You had met her before we founded the band. I accept this change as the natural order of things.”

“You don’t. I’m pretty sure you’re still mad about that.”

“Why should I? Because she stole you from me?”


	5. Chapter 5

Jon blinked. “Do you really think that way? It just couldn’t work from the very beginning.”

Richie looked bewildered. “So you knew it was just a fucking flirting with fire and just acted on being more drunk than you actually were, right?”

“Yeah, I wanted you that bad! Happy now?” Jon cried as he stood up. 

Richie followed and fighting his own confusion, he spoke in calm voice.“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. You feel used and betrayed. I’m just a shit of a friend,” Jon said bitterly, angry tears welling up in his eyes.

“You’re not,” Richie made a few steps towards Jon and pulled him in a tight embrace. Feeling the stiffness in the other man’s body, he started massaging his back in soothing gestures, waiting for him to finally relax. 

“I wouldn’t change a thing. Honestly, I would go through it all again,” he whispered somewhere into Jon’s hair, still hugging him tightly. 

Jon sniffed and Richie drew apart to look at his face. He smiled reassuringly and caressed his cheek with his thumb.

“You remember the first day we wrote a song?” Jon asked quietly.

“Actually two songs, yeah. It was magical like we were reading each other’s minds. I couldn’t sleep afterwards, I was so excited.”

Jon pursed his lips, finding the memory a little overwhelming. “It’s funny because I didn’t get much sleep that night, either. I knew we were about to start something really big and it was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. I wanted you to stay to write more songs. I thought you channeled my thoughts into music perfectly.”

“And we found out that we were so similar when it came to so many things, I immediately thought you could be a brother I never had.”

“And then I kissed you and fucked everything up.”

“Here we go again,” Richie sighed dramatically and grinned. “We fucked much later. You’re not an easy lay…at least not with men,” he gave a forced laugh. 

“Then I’m as gay as you are,” Jon smirked.

“With such a pretty face, who would turn you down?”

“You’re still making stupid jokes about something that was apparently meaningful to both of us. Are you finished?”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I was just horsing around to cheer you up. Don’t get me wrong,” Richie had this sheepish smile on his face that always had disarming effect on Jon.

“So you said you wanted to come over and just be? Since there’s no more wine and I’m exhausted with the talking, there’s nothing I’d love to do more.”

Jon was looking intently at Richie's face.“I missed you. I know we’re back again but I need it right now. Just be with me.”

“I should have brought some candles with me. I’m sorry! I couldn’t help myself,” Richie wrinkled his nose and smiled widely. 

Jon flopped heavily on the bed and patted the empty space next to him with a goofy grin on his face. 

Richie snorted. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation.”

Jon just hiccupped twice and Richie had to smile to himself. Jon had never been good at holding his liquor and at least this thing didn’t change. Richie found it somehow comforting. Before he knew it, he was leaning against the headboard with Jon at his side. Jon faced him and stayed like this for several moments until he spoke up.

“I fucking missed you. I never thought I’d get attached so much. I was writing on my own but it was just a rueful crap with no happy ending.”

Richie brushed off a stray strand of hair from Jon’s eyes. “We needed that break. We’re back even stronger. And…” Richie pointed to his heart. “It’s still very much there.”

Jon said nothing. Instead, he looked at Richie’s palm pressed to his chest and covered it with his own, squeezing it lightly. Then he yawned involuntarily and gave Richie an apologetic look. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled and yawned again. Working a lot and having little sleep finally took its toll on him. “But don’t go. I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he grinned.

Richie laughed and shook his head. “No, just look at yourself. You look like death warmed up already.”

“Thanks, man. This is exactly what I wanted to hear from you tonight,” Jon snorted drunkenly. “But there’s one thing you can do to make up for it.”

“What is that?” Richie got curious.

“You’re staying here with me.”

The brunette raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Deal. Just need to go to the bathroom first.”

When he came back, Jon was snoring softly, curled up on his left side. Richie smiled. He came closer and gave Jon a little peck on the cheek before leaving the room.

“Goodnight, Johny.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jon woke up next day feeling a little heavy on the head. He looked around and tried to remember what he did the previous day. He saw empty bottles and burned out candles and got reminded of his encounter with his guitarist late at night. He suddenly got embarrassed for falling asleep and wasting such an opportunity of finally being a little intimate with Richie. He wiped sleep from his eyes and reluctantly got up. The clock showed it was almost 9 am. He stretched his arms and decided it was far too late for a morning jog. Going to the bathroom, Jon looked briefly at his reflection in the mirror. He saw his pale face with puffy eyes. Hell with that! he cursed in his mind. After having a short shower, he checked his planner. "No important meetings for today but I just might call the band. I’m not sure about the last track we wrote for the record," he mumbled to himself. 

He was about to close the planner, go to the kitchen and make himself breakfast since Dot was away, when a small picture cleverly stuck in between the pages caught his eye. His beloved band in all their glory in the 80s. Hair sticking in all directions, outrageous outfits and broad smiles. Jon was frankly amazed at how the picture ended up there. 

Memories flooded his mind. So much happened that his world went round a few times. Having his little song a local hit filled his heart with hope he could make it really big one day. Signing to the record label was one of the brightest days of his life. Founding a band, his ultimate dream of being a rock star. Releasing two albums with so much effort, love and dedication, yet dealing with so many problems that eventually only made their band even a more tight-knit brotherhood. All their relationships disintegrated. Tico and Alec got divorced. Richie and Dave broke up with their girlfriends. Dorothea left him four years into their relationship. Financial struggles. Their equipment was stolen and they hadn’t even paid it off. His cousin, Tony, brought a lawsuit against him claiming his help was equivalent to a $200,000 advance and being entitled to a cut of Jon's future earnings, which he ultimately won. Jon would later reminisce of this incident with bitterness, writing ‘Blood on Blood’ in honour of his friends, not his family. Then there was fighting to get a bigger audience than those 150 fans in some club in Cleveland back in 1984. Constant touring, which left them drained. Feeling pressure from their Polygram bosses to get it big or be dropped from the label after lackluster sales of Fahrenheit . 

Jon sighed heavily at those painful memories. He felt it was mainly his responsibility to get it going no matter what, trying to dispel his concerns and fears at the same time. All five guys were working their asses off, working almost days and nights. 

_The Philly Days._ Jon smiled to himself, still looking at the picture with affection. Sharing Tico’s tiny apartment for several weeks while recording their second album, almost with no heating, while it was freezing outside. His father brought around mattresses for them to sleep on and all they had was a pot of spaghetti sauce in the fridge and some beer. It was the time that they were really starting to bond as a band, though. 

This was the time he and Richie kissed for the very first time. Jon closed his eyes, a pang of sorrow in his heart all of a sudden. It was so innocent, and yet so strong, so passionate. They made out while everybody else was asleep after a home party, bottles scattered around and Tico’s loud snoring being the nighttime music. He couldn’t sleep at night and when he woke up, in the dim light of dawn coming through the window he saw Richie with his eyes wide open looking at him intently. He didn’t know what he was doing when he snuggled up to Richie, who was lying on a mattress next to him, and simply put his lips on the other man’s mouth. In the suppressed moan and the hungry kiss afterwards they found love and comfort that would carry them through for so many years to come. This experience left them confused at first but they were both longing for doing it again. A few days later, when the rest of the guys were in the city, they made out on the only bed that was in the apartment. 

“Oh my God, what are we doing?” Jon gasped, drawing apart from Richie, their faces flushed.

“I don’t know,” Richie replied, feeling the buzz in his head and strange pressure in his chest. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would explode.

“It’s so wrong and yet, I can’t stop,” Jon confessed, short of breath and feeling dizzy with all those strong emotions, which were going through him like a storm.

“Then don’t,” Richie said back, locking Jon’s lips with his and shushing him.

Following their instincts, they rubbed on each other and, still with their clothes on, they did this love dance which made them both come almost simultaneously. Still panting, they were staring at each other, feeling the heat emanating from their bodies and wetness of their cum, making them a little embarrassed. Then, Richie put his arm on him and hugged him tightly. Jon closed his eyes and inhaled the sweet scent of Richie, having his nose buried in the brunette’s neck. He was battling with all those thoughts flooding his brain, like an angry river breaking the dam. He was fighting those prickling tears under his eyelids, feeling shame and guilt, and yet the butterflies in his stomach and those muscular arms around his shoulders were making him so loved he wanted to scream. Little did he know Richie was having similar thoughts at the very same time. The only difference was that Richie wasn’t feeling any shame, just pure joy that Jon finally caught up with him. His heart swelled, knowing his feelings were reciprocated. 

They stayed like this for several moments until Jon got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower and change his clothes. Richie wanted to follow him but knew it was still too early. He was lying flat on his back and looking up at the ceiling, with his hand on his heaving chest, feeling it going up and down. When Jon returned from the bathroom, Richie was waiting right at the door with a small smile playing on his lips, eyes sparkling with something Jon couldn’t define at a time. It was a memory he had in his head for years to come and which filled his heart with hope when their relationship was on the rocks after those more and more frequent arguments.


	7. Chapter 7

Jon frowned and sighed. He swept his thumb over the glossy picture and closed the planner. His empty stomach rumbled loudly. The clock showed it was already after midday.

"Fuck, I’m barely over thirty and I’m already this sentimental fool," Jon murmured to himself angrily. He proceeded to the kitchen and made himself a few sandwiches and a mug of coffee. Chewing on the bread, he found out he wasn’t that much hungry so he was just sipping his coffee in silence. 

The knock on the door startled him. He stood up and came to see who wanted to see him. Looking through the peephole, he saw Richie on the other side. His heart flipped and the recent memories made his blood rush to his face.

“Hi man, what’s up? Slept well?” Richie greeted him joyfully and patted him on the back in half embrace.

“Yeah, pretty long for my standards,” Jon admitted and let the door open for the other man to come in.

“I was nearby and decided to drop by, if you don’t mind,” Richie smiled shyly.

“Nah, man, I don’t have much do today anyway. It’s always good to hang out,” Jon cracked a smile. 

“Fancy some coffee?” He offered politely, leading the guitarist to the kitchen.

“Yeah, a cup will do,” Richie smiled back and followed Jon.

Jon was busy browsing the cupboard when Richie’s question almost swept him off his feet.

“Do you know what’s up with Dave? He won’t answer my phone. Have you tried calling him perhaps?”

“Oh, his mobile’s probably out of order; he’s been complaining it’s broken down a few times recently,” Jon lied smoothly, feeling his mouth becoming a bit dry.

Richie seemed content with the answer because he just shrugged.

“Whatever. Ah, it smells so good! Thanks!” He sniffed as Jon gave him a cup of a freshly brewed coffee. 

“Anything to eat? Dot left some cheesecake in the fridge.”

“Oh, man, I feel spoilt. If you insist,” Richie beamed. Jon let out a soft chuckle.

“Here you are. I think I’ll have a piece, too.”

Richie was purring with pleasure, loving his food as he always did. Jon was observing him through half-closed eyes and thinking how to deal with Dave. He decided to talk to his childhood friend face to face and sort things out before they got too obvious for the others in the band.

“I don’t think ‘In these arms’ should be there on the record,” Jon’s words broke the silence. Richie looked up, puzzled.

“Why? Man, kids love it!” He spread his arms, bewildered. “It’s a killer, I’m telling you!”

“We have other ballads. Do you think it’d fit the rest?” Jon looked as if he wasn’t convinced.

“Dave will finally get his co-writing credit, give the guy a piece,” Richie chuckled.

 _If only you knew,_ Jon thought to himself.

“I think I’ll have to talk to him today. I was just going to come over his place anyway.”

“So you’re busy today?” Richie’s heart sank, disappointment evident in his tone.

“I’ll do it later in the evening, he’s probably out now.” Jon checked his watch. “So, in the meantime…I have a really good brand of wine sitting in my cellar. Wanna some?”

Richie pretended to be deeply in thought about this proposal, pouting his lips and scratching his chin.

“Well, Sambora, since when you turned into an English gentleman? I’m not gonna drink you under the table,” Jon was amused.

“Not that you can anyway,” Richie smirked at the blonde and crinkled his nose.

“Whatever,” Jon shrugged and held up his hands pretending to be out of the game, his face expressing fake sadness.

They both laughed. Those little moments of goofiness that used to make the day pass seemed to be back.


	8. Chapter 8

“Wow, the wine’s great, man!” Richie said appreciatively, drinking another glass of the exquisite blood red wine Jon had brought from the cellar. 

“I can finally afford good stuff,” Jon replied, gesturing around the room. They all had purchased houses not so long ago. They actually bought a lot of things like cars or lavish gifts, spending money like water to satisfy their and their families’ whims.

Richie nodded his head, having understood the reference. Jon sighed. They weren’t living on a prayer anymore, staying in the lap of luxury now. Not that they installed golden toilet bowls in their houses but they went over the top here and there. The private jet was an absolute necessity, though. It’d saved them a lot of time travelling from place to place so they could do more gigs and win more fans over. Especially when the band hit it big with the album _Slippery When Wet_ and the venues were packed not with hundreds but thousands of screaming people. Not wasting any time, the band began a gruelling 18 month tour, playing at least five nights a week in 37 countries. Just after the tour had ended, instead of taking a well-deserved break, they took four months off to record New Jersey and then toured again, performing the staggering number of 237 shows. It was fun at the beginning. The passion, the drive, the adrenaline. Then they all started getting burned out and at odds with one another, losing the ability to communicate and ultimately, growing apart. Richie wanted to leave the tour earlier but it fell on deaf ears since Jon couldn’t give up. He was so blinded he couldn’t see the band’s decay and a slow but steady burn between the bandmates, particularly between him and Richie. It felt like running on a fucking treadmill, doing all the promo, going to great pains to keep the management happy and busting his ass on stage for the fans, having no time to recover from his fractured tibia. 

Pain was his constant companion. Pain and anxiety, which crept under his skin and manifested itself in his fear of elevators. The men who used to be brothers finally parted their ways after the last gig of their highly successful New Jersey Syndicate Tour, not even saying goodbye to each other. It took Jon some time to realize he was too demanding towards not only himself, but his friends as well, pushing everybody to the limit. Only when he recovered from his shock, did he become aware of its meaning. 

The dream’s over. The brotherhood’s gone. 1991 was the lowest point of his existence when he literally wanted to jump out of a car and take his own life. The Grey Summer was what he dubbed it. And as nobody was aware of what was going on while they were still together back then, putting on a show like there was no tomorrow, so nobody would think Jon could be an unhappy man. His prospects of a solo career were promising to say at least, having released his cowboy-themed, award-winning debut album Blaze of Glory. Too many unresolved issues were preying on Jon’s mind and he knew he would have to face them sooner or later, no matter how painful they were. 

Luckily, Divine Providence worked in his life so he managed to settle things down without making a mistake after a mistake. It was like walking on thin ice but Richie in the flesh was there now, sitting next to him at the table and drinking wine. It felt like nothing ever changed, at least between both of them.

“It’s funny. Look at what I’ve found earlier in the morning. I wasn’t going to show it to you but it took me a while pondering over our crazy times,” Jon smiled at his guitarist showing him the picture.

Richie took it in his hands and smiled to himself. “Philly days,” he said in a quiet voice. He looked up at Jon, who just bit his lower lip, a little blush creeping up his cheeks. “And man, it was even before Slippery, oh God!" Richie shook his head in bewilderment.

“Yeah, this is when we got our nicknames, remember?” Jon smiled shyly, looking Richie straight in the eye.

“How could I forget, Captain Kidd?” Richie grinned, suddenly having his mind in the gutter. 

It was actually the first time they shared the same room while fucking girls. Lita Ford was recording in the same city and they were hanging out. One night she invited them over to her hotel room. Her best friend, Toni, and Aldo Nova were also there. They were drinking lots of cheap red wine and Jon actually puked in the corner at some point but when he recovered they all had so much fun. Lita was initially with Jon but when he was temporarily out of service, Toni graciously shared Richie with her. Lita was so impressed with his abilities as a lover she nicknamed him a “King of Swing” and it stuck for good. Ultimately, Jon returned to the game and they all had their fair share in the orgy. A few days later Jon and Richie would kiss for the very first time and then make out on the only bed in the room. Too shy to move forward just yet, they limited themselves to having groupies and occasionally sharing the same hotel room. 

The only rule was not the share their girlfriends. Soon, Jon met Diane Lane, a beautiful actress, who was barely twenty, and fell madly in love with this crazy, fun-loving girl. They were often apart because of their busy schedules, but man, did they have a blast together when they finally met. Their sweet fling lasted five months until Jon discovered his little girl was a little too much into his best friend. His friendship with Richie was put to the test for the first time. Jon broke up with Diane right away and had this huge fight with Richie, followed by five agonizing days of silence and awkward tension within the whole band. Jon had to decide whether this affair was worth it and after second thoughts, he made the first move. He never saw Richie so emotional when they had this heartfelt conversation and promised each other that nobody would ever go between them again. When time was right, they just made fun of the whole situation writing a few songs on ‘bros before hoes’ thing. Diane would later deny it was about her, claiming she never wore red nail polish, but the guys knew it.

“Actually I have one, too, but from the Slippery era,” Richie’s words interrupted Jon’s thoughts. “It’s somewhere in my notes,” he browsed through the pages. “Oh, here you are.”

Jon looked at it and laughed. “Ridiculous!”

“Nah, hot stuff, I’m telling ya!” Richie laughed back.

“You remember those naked chicks? Evelyn and Laurie? There were others, too.”

“Ah, pretty things,” Richie mused, putting his index finger on his mouth and shaking his head, giving a small sigh.

Jon patted his hand disapprovingly. “You’d better get your head out of the gutter, Sambora! Too many dirty stories from those times.”

Richie moaned.“Hey, what is that? You started it! Somebody’s jealous?”

Jon ignored Richie’s smirk.

“I think I’m already drunk. I think I’m loving you too much now.”


	9. Chapter 9

Richie laughed loudly. “Oh, you’re just jealous, babe.”

He moved closer to Jon and embraced him with his right hand. Feeling the wine going to his head as well he put his mouth right to Jon’s ear. “None of them can be compared to you, Johny,” he whispered.

Jon tensed, feeling the warm breath on his skin but remained silent. Richie put his left hand on Jon’s thigh and slowly moved it up. Jon hissed. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” Richie replied, not stopping for one moment.

Jon turned his face so he could see Richie and just stared into his eyes who were just black orbs now. He felt desire built up in his body and trembled slightly. And like those many years before, he slowly leaned towards Richie and simply put his lips on the other man’s mouth. Soon they found each other in a tight embrace, hands stroking their hair, teeth nibbling, lips sucking, tongues dancing and being very much all over each other. They moaned loudly into another kiss while taking off clothes and trying to get out of the kitchen into the living room. They maneuvered around the coffee table with a frantic sort of grace until they collapsed on the bed, still struggling with buttons and zippers.

“It’s about time,” Richie groaned lying on top of Jon, whose chest was heaving under him.

“Kiss me good,” Jon moaned again, his eyes closed to enhance his pleasure of being kissed all over.

Richie’s long hair was tickling him, its sweet scent driving him crazy. Jon thought he was going to lose consciousness, he was already so high. It’d been so long they had sex, it almost felt like their first time. 

***

They were drunk back then, too. Making out fiercely, still pumped after the gig, feeling the rush of adrenaline in their veins. They didn’t waste any time, stripping clothes off and then kissing deeply while rubbing on each other. After having recovered from the bliss of their climax, they found out they were ready for more. Jon gestured to his bedside table and lay down heavily on the pillow, nervousness creeping in. Richie found lube and some condoms and just grinned to himself. 

_Always prepared for everything,_ he thought while trying to make it work. 

He might have been a king of swing but this was all new to him and he didn’t want to fuck things up. He went back to Jon and started kissing him again, his hands going down till he grasped Jon’s member and started stroking it up and down, feeling it swell.

“You’re ready?” He asked.

“You know, I’ve never…” Jon trailed off, hoping Richie would understand him anyway.

“I know. Me neither,” Richie replied, pulling close and kissing Jon so deep the other man just melted under him.

“Rich, I…”

“What, babe?”

“I love you.”

Richie smiled. “I love you, too. You scared?”

“No. Just a bit, yes. I want it, though. I want you,” Jon panted, struggling to turn his thoughts and feelings into words.

Richie looked into Jon’s eyes lovingly, all mushy inside.

“Feels like the first time much?” 

Jon nodded, blushing involuntarily. “This time it’s different, though. It has nothing to do with curiosity. I just want you.”

Richie felt his blood boiling in his veins. He wanted to make love, to kiss, to cuddle. He took a pillow and put it under Jon’s ass. After Jon had positioned himself, he put all his effort into making Jon at ease. Distracting the younger man with kisses, he was maneuvering around his entrance until he could easily push three fingers without restraint. Having the condom on, the lube all over it, he just glanced over at his lover’s face. It was a breathtaking view. A beautiful face, almost girl like, with eyeliner still rimming the eyes, lush curls around blushed cheeks, slightly parted lips and a slender body covered in tiny drops of sweat, all waiting for him to make a move. 

He bent over to kiss those inviting lips once more and slowly pushed against Jon’s backside. “You’re alright?” he asked cautiously.

Jon smiled and nodded. Richie pushed again and went up till he was fully engulfed.

“Oh, fuck!” Richie cursed under his breath, those strong muscles encircling him so tight. Jon had his eyes closed, getting used to the feeling.

“It’s good. It’s actually weird but it’s good,” he said, anticipating Richie’s question.

“Can I?” Richie asked, looking intently into Jon’s now wide open eyes.

Jon nodded again. Without breaking the gaze, Richie sped up thrusting. Jon closed his eyes again, loud moans escaping his mouth, his hands gripping the bed sheets tight. 

“I’m gonna…oh my fucking…” Jon knew he was on the verge of it now. His dick was trapped in between their moving bodies, Richie’s caressing his painfully erect nipples and pumping hard made him oblivious to where he was. He was lost in the moment, never predicting their first time would be so enjoyable, especially compared to his experience with girls. Richie was a great lover, making him come loud and fast, spurting all over Richie’s stomach and his own. The brunette was clearly holding back because he came just after that, with a loud grunt, collapsing on him and then shifting a little so that he would not crush him with his full body weight. He pulled out and drew close to Jon, draping his arm over him. Their bodies were hot and sweaty, a little shaking from the afterglow.

“It’s true,” Jon whispered in a weary voice.

“What?” Richie raised his eyebrows.

“Hail the king,” Jon giggled at Richie’s puzzled expression. “You’re really good in bed. I almost forgot…” Jon blushed wildly, knowing it was his first time bottoming to another man.

Richie said nothing. He just went for another kiss, pulling Jon in a tight embrace.

“Oh God, I’ve never been so involved. Tell me I’m not fucking that up,” Richie’s pained whisper hit Jon’s ears. “I love you more than my fucking life.”

Jon tried to smile through tears welling up his eyes. “You silly, you mean more to me than you probably realize. Man, we’ve just made love. If that’s not enough for you, I don’t know what else can convince you.”

“You’re alright? You know…?” Richie asked, having no courage to say it bluntly. He almost felt ashamed of enjoying sex that much.

“Yeah, my ass a bit sore, I’ll survive,” Jon laughed and grabbed the discarded towel to wipe himself up. Ater he was done, Richie kissed him briefly on the lips. They were asleep in no time, in the tight embrace of two newly found lovers.


	10. Chapter 10

They were lying flat on their back, trying to calm down. Their heartbeat was loud and in unison, the skin glowing, hands intertwined. 

“It feels like it was just yesterday,” Richie whispered.

Jon squeezed his hand a little. “If it was in another universe, I’d marry you.”

Richie said nothing, just started sobbing uncontrollably. Jon never let go of his hand, repeating “I’m sorry” and hugging him close.

“She’s the one for you,” Richie finally replied, gaining control over himself.

Jon felt tears under his eyelids. He remembered their big fight back then when Richie confronted him. He said he didn’t want to be second fiddle and wanted Jon to adopt a position. Jon wanted the man, and yet, he was so scared. He wanted a family, a normal life and knew his relationship with Richie wouldn’t be greeted with enthusiasm. He was a coward and he never got over it. 

After this big argument with Richie, instead of confessing his true feelings, he went to Dorothea’s house and asked her to get back together. She fell for it. They were an item again. Richie accepted that, being the understanding one again. 

Jon felt he was losing his friend, though. Richie was having an affair with Cher, but he was still by his side, waiting for a sign. He and Jon would spend a night together but Jon would freak out afterwards. They were so in sync but yet, Jon couldn’t surrender completely to him. Instead, he was making excuses and hoping the other man would understand. 

When Jon and Dot got hitched in Las Vegas during a one-day break on the New Jersey tour, Richie lost his patience. He was so deeply hurt, Jon couldn’t find enough excuses to make it up for the man. When they finally made love, it left them both in tears. Soon afterwards, they became strangers again.

***

“Thank you for coming over,” Jon said softly, hugging Richie goodbye.

“My pleasure,” Richie whispered back, painfully aware of its meaning.

“I need to phone Dave now. See you tomorrow,” Jon finally let go and was just standing at the door, looking at Richie, who seemed unable to move. He wanted to tell the man to stay a little longer, maybe the whole night, but was too afraid. It was all too fresh to both of them.

“Yeah, until then,” he said awkwardly and left the house, his heart beating with this weird, irregular pattern.

Jon closed the door with a heavy sigh. His hands were still shaking when he was dialing Dave’s number. To his relief, the man was at home and agreed to meet at such a late hour. Thirty minutes later he was standing at the door, kicking his heels nervously.

“Come in, “ Dave gestured towards the hall, letting Jon inside. They both knew it would be one hell of a conversation but one they had to have a heart to heart with each other.

“Fancy some wine?” Dave asked, watching Jon taking off his jacket.

“No, thanks. I’ve already had some,” Jon replied without looking back.

“Was Richie at your place, perhaps?” Dave asked, trying not to sound too annoyed.

“Yeah, I called him to come over and discuss stuff,” Jon said casually. “But since I’m here, I want to discuss stuff with you.”

“Oh, how nice of you,” Dave remarked snidely.

“Look, your opinion matters to me. A lot,” Jon emphasized the last word, frowning and stretching his right hand.

“Good to know,” Dave answered in the same manner.

“Dave, don’t get so pissed off, dude! I’m really trying to communicate,” Jon’s voice broke in that exact moment, making Dave feel like a jerk.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…you know…” He trailed off, not sure how to get his point across.

“We’re still friends, we’ve always been friends, for fuck’s sake!” Jon cried. “We really tried to write that fucking song down and it kept being a mess. Richie just happened to be around, I didn’t intend to bring him along!” Jon threw his arms up in the air to prove he was telling the truth.

“I just wanted it to be like it used to be in the beginning, just you and me. I was annoyed it didn’t turn out to be like that. And I know Richie has become your best friend, maybe something more…” Dave’s words hit Jon hard.

“He’s my best friend, that’s it,” Jon said firmly. “Don’t try to make up a story out of it.”

“I see things, don’t deny the obvious.”

Jon frowned, displeasure imprinted in his tight lips.

“The song’s gonna be there on the record,” he said, ignoring the implication.

“Thank you very much,” Dave bowed, spreading his arms wide. “Do you love him?”

The feeling of anger flowed through Jon’s heart and mind. “You’re sick,” Jon flinched at the remark.

“I’m serious,” David didn’t give in, staring at the singer.

“Yes, yes, fuck it, I love him! Happy now?” Jon cried out loud.

“I knew it,” David replied in a small voice, feeling his heart sink.

“What the fuck, Dave? You’re jealous or what?” Jon stared the man down.

“Maybe,” he heard the words in the same quiet tone.

“Then don’t. Oh, man. We’re a band, we’re living our dream!”

“Are we?” David let out a suppressed laugh.

“You worked with Richie on his solo album. You didn’t look as if you were in pain,” Jon observed sarcastically.

“It’s a different story, Jon,” Dave gave Jon a searching stare.

“We’re back into the game. Aren’t you happy?! We almost disbanded!” Jon raised his voice again, trying desperately to find the right words.

David blinked. Jon’s words fell on his heart like a heavy blanket. He felt as if he was the biggest asshole in the world.

“I’m sorry, Jon. I am happy. I’ve missed it, to be honest. I’m just acting weird. Dunno what’s wrong with me, really,” he hung his head, feeling ashamed of himself all of a sudden.

“Then don’t. Just appreciate as it comes because nothing’s for granted, man,” Jon replied calmly, drawing his keyboardist towards him and hugging him tight.

They remained embraced for several minutes until they both calmed down.

“You’re OK?” Jon asked before drawing apart.

“I’m sorry, Jon. I really am. Thanks for coming here,” Dave gave him an apologetic look again.

“It's OK, man. I’m glad we’ve managed to clear things up,” Jon smiled. “I have to go now. Dot’s coming early in the morning and I need to drive her home.”

“Sure. Take care!” Dave nodded his head and saw Jon to the door. They hugged briefly.

“Goodnight and see you on Monday!” Jon smiled and disappeared through the door.

David put his forehead against the door and sighed heavily. His assumptions proved to be right and yet, he knew he had to embrace the truth or let it go. He couldn’t do the latter so he went for being a part of the gang and Jon’s childhood friend he’d always been. With that thought in mind, he went to bed, feeling relieved after all.


	11. Chapter 11

Jon was up very early in the morning, having a jog around his new property and then cleaning up the house more or less so Dot wouldn’t be bothered with the mess after her arrival. It was a beautiful day, the wind blowing gently and the sun shining brightly, the Indian summer in all its glory. 

When he picked up his wife from the station, he noticed that she looked different. Her face was glowing and she was in an exceptionally good mood.

“You look beautiful, honey. I can see you’re very happy to see me. I missed you too!” Jon gave Dorothea a hug and a peck on the lips.

“Good to see you too, darling. Actually, there is something I want to tell you when we get home.”

Jon raised his eyebrows, curiosity eating him inside. “Why are you so mysterious? Tell me now,” he didn’t give in, making funny faces and pretending to be overly excited. Dorothea just laughed at his goofiness.

“Patience is virtue, my dear. And now you’d better buckle up. What I’m actually going to tell you is going to change our life forever.”

Jon was driving the car in silence, nibbling on his bottom lip nervously. Dorothea was just looking ahead, being quiet as well, clearly thinking about something. Once they crossed the threshold of their house, Jon spun his wife around as if they were dancing. 

“I have some suspicions on my own but I want to hear it from you. Are you…?” he asked breathlessly, helping her to her feet.

“Yes, I am!” she exclaimed, her face beaming.

“Oh my God, oh my dearest God!” Jon cried, dazed eyes filling up with tears.

They hugged tight, feeling overwhelmed with emotions.

“How long have you known?” He suddenly asked her, still in tight embrace.

“My period is three weeks late and I just had a pregnancy test yesterday. It’s positive,” she answered softly, the words falling on his ears like the finest music.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They both felt like they exchanged their vows again, relishing in this extreme closeness they almost forgot they had.

Jon didn’t remember what he did for the rest of the day, he just couldn’t concentrate on anything, feeling like he was in a dream. When Richie called him later in the evening, he just couldn’t contain his happiness.

“Rich, I’m going to be a dad!”

Richie staggered, his hand clutching the receiver. “Oh, I’m so happy for you, man! I really am!” He choked out, half-conscious of what he’d just heard. “Can I come over or would you rather spend the evening with your woman?”

“Thanks, Rich! And actually, we’ve just enjoying some quality time now and I need to be with her tonight, sorry. We’re meeting tomorrow at the rehearsal anyway so we’ll talk more, I promise.”

Richie’s heart sank. Not that he hoped Jon would say otherwise. Dorothea had always been first but he felt she never was more first than now.

***

The next day, everybody was clapping and cheering, patting Jon on his back and congratulating him on his fatherhood. Jon was happily bouncing and humming, having little control over himself. Richie was still in shock but acting cool, pretending to be more happy than he actually was. He felt like a jerk, not being able to genuinely share the joy with his best friend, but there was little he could do about his own unsettled feelings and thoughts. It took him a few days to calm down and get used to this new situation. The fact that all they did was work, day after day, definitely helped him got busy enough to come to terms with the change. 

Finally, their new album _Keep the Faith_ was released in November 1992. The one, which marked "the beginning of a new chapter in the history of Bon Jovi”, with more serious lyrics and a more mature sound. There weren’t silly songs about going to a prom anymore. Jon’s surprisingly short haircut attracted more attention that he’d expect, making headlines on CNN and upsetting him more than a little. “We’re not a fucking boy band,” he would moan, refusing to follow the crap in the media. To prove that he was much more than a baby face and their music was more than big hair and ridiculous outfits from the 80’s, they returned to their roots playing a few dates at the small New Jersey clubs where they had started their career. The band appeared on MTV Unplugged but that was different from that memorable night when he and Richie, barefooted and only with their guitars in their laps, would enchant the audience with the fucking Madonna in the first row. Richie would tell his mum to turn on TV that night because something magical was going to happen and he was right. Everybody went nuts, MTV started their Unplugged series, but for him and Richie it was something they would do every time they got together. It was magic and they were aware of it, cherishing it and never taking it for granted, being happy to have found that rare connection of heart and soul. The band embarked on another tour, which lasted almost the whole year. It was one the most successful to date, which only reassured them they were very much in the game and the kids were still after them.

***

Jon refused to tell Richie what name he and Dot chose for their daughter and only after the proud uncle was holding this little thing in his arms, Jon smiled softly and whispered:

“We’ve decided to name her Stephanie.”

Richie felt a lump in his throat.

“I’ve written a song recently and I’ve entitled it _A letter to a friend._ I might show it to you one day as it’s still unfinished. This one verse stuck in my head, however. 'I'll be the one who knows your middle name' and I thought about you. I’ve been wondering so long and the name was so obvious, just right here!”

Richie swallowed hard, tears prickling his eyes. “You shouldn’t have,” he spoked in the hushed voice, shifting his gaze from little Stephanie to his best friend, overcame with emotions.

“But I wanted to,” Jon answered simply and squeezed Richie’s arm, a small smile on his lips.

“Thank you,” Richie smiled back and looked at the drowsy baby again. Little did he know he would soon meet a woman who would gift him with love and his own little girl.


	12. Chapter 12

The tour ended in mid-December. A week or so prior to its final gig, Jon found himself down in the dumps again. Stephanie was his pride and joy, growing up so fast that he could barely keep up when he popped in between the concerts, but he felt trapped and miserable. He started questioning everything and nothing made sense anymore. Instead of being happy to be finally at home, he wanted out on the road. What he didn’t want to admit, even to himself, was that he was scared to death of a normal, stable life. Not that he still wanted to live the cliché life of a rock star. Actually he was sick and tired of it, groupies started to disgust him. The family life wasn’t something he was longing for and that confused him so much he wanted to scream. He loved his wife, Stephanie was his little princess and yet, he had to escape the reality. After the New Year’s Eve he decided to go on a short vacation where he wrote his first song for the upcoming album. “Something to believe in.” Jon thought he lost his mind, his faith and all his passion to live his life. He knew it was immature and some kind of foolish to get his back against God as if He was responsible for his misery but this is what he felt and wanted to put in a song. 

When he came back, he went straight to Richie’s house and showed him the draft of the lyrics. Richie was surprised Jon was in such a dark place.

“You’re OK, man?” He asked cautiously, looking intently at the visibly distracted blonde, feeling scared all of a sudden.

“No. Nothing’s OK anymore. I’m fucked up. I’m done,” Jon’s voice was heavy with pain and suffering. 

Richie hugged him close, Jon’s body tensed at the touch.

“If I can’t take it then I probably don’t deserve it,” he said in a small voice tainted with growing anger.

“That’s bullshit and you know that,” Richie said firmly, drawing apart and looking Jon straight in the eye, determined to put his best friend out of this state.

“I know nothing, dude. I wanna drink. You have some?” Jon decided he was done talking and just wanted to get wasted.

“Are you sure?” Richie asked tentatively.

“Yeah, whatever firewater’s in the house.”

They soon were drinking Jack in total silence. Richie was seriously concerned about his best friend but didn’t want to put any pressure on him. He sat next to him in the hope that Jon would feel somehow comforted, whatever demons were eating him inside. He got startled when he felt Jon moving closer, familiar scent of cologne mixed with whisky breath on his face.

“Jon, what…?” Richie wasn’t able to finish as Jon kissed him roughly, his tongue slipping unceremoniously into his mouth. His hands were ruffling dark hair, soft moans escaping his lips. When Richie finally drew apart, flushed and panting, he stared into his friend’s eyes.

“It’s been almost a year since we last did it. I don’t want it like that. Do you really want me or just need some relief?”

“Love me. Love me because I can’t love myself anymore,” Jon broke his gaze, looking down, voice quivering with guilt and embarrassment. 

Richie pulled the man in a tight hug and they stayed like this for some time until he felt Jon relaxed in his embrace. 

Jon was the first to break the silence. “I want to be with you today. Does it mean I’m a selfish prick who can only use people he loves in this fucked up way? I’m not that drunk. I’m not here because I want to mess up with you. You were the first person who came to my mind. I didn’t even tell Dot I’m coming home. She still thinks I’m away. Why is it all so damn complicated?” Jon blinked back unexpected tears.

“I wish I knew the answer,” Richie replied, being at a loss for words.

“It’s here,” Jon patted his chest hard, locking his eyes with Richie’s. The brunette was sitting still, almost holding his breath. Jon put his hand on his friend’s and Richie squeezed it gently. Jon smiled, trying not to show how much relieved he was. He moved closer and caressed Richie’s cheek with affection.

“Babe, you’re so beautiful,” he sighed, now outlining his lips with his finger, absently nibbling on his own bottom one as if he was too nervous to make a step forward. A muffled moan escaped his mouth when he felt Richie finally taking over, crushing their lips and pushing him onto the couch. Their faces hidden in a shock of blond and dark hair mingled together, hands wandering back and forth, bodies finding their rhythm, hearts beating in unison. They both knew they shouldn’t go back to it since so much changed but they decided to push those obsessive thought into the back of their minds. Stripping off the clothes, they were giving each other sloppy kisses, lingering a little too much as if it was their last love dance and they had to remember all those curves and edges that made their imperfections so perfect.

Richie was sucking gently on Jon’s neck so that he wouldn’t leave a red mark on his skin, then he was slowly going down, caressing the erect nipples and causing Jon to moan loudly. He smiled to himself, knowing his partner’s sensitive spots so well. His right hand was resting on Jon’s pelvis, his leg in between Jon’s thighs. 

“Today we’re gonna take a little longer, baby,” Richie whispered with a smirk on his lips and before Jon had time to process those words, he felt a strong grip on his aching member.

“Oh!” the surprised gasp was all he could say. Feeling the strokes up and down, he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations. He opened his eyes widely and inhaled sharply when he felt Richie’s hot mouth engulfing it, orgasm building up, chest heaving. He put his hand on Richie’s head, tousling his hair a little.

“Oh my… don’t stop,” he whispered, his breathing becoming shorter and more irregular. His head fell hard on the pillow when he finally came, spilling over Richie’s mouth and his stomach. He was lying still for a few seconds, waiting for his heartbeat to stabilize.


	13. Chapter 13

“Come here,” Jon finally said, pulling Richie up to him so that he could face him. “Such a selfless, caring, loving soul. I’ll be damned if ever use you,” he frowned, piercing Richie’s eyes as if he wanted to get into his soul.

There was no answer. Instead, Richie just smiled, not letting the other man know that, in fact, he’d already been used. It was painful but it was a good hurt because they never lost this bond they had, no matter how damaged it seemed at times.

“I want to thank you,” Jon said softly, pressing himself to the brunette, feeling he other man’s hardness on his thigh. He started kissing him lazily, starting on the mouth, then his earlobes and the neck. His fingers were drawing circles around Richie’s nipples before he sucked on them, eliciting soft moans from the guitarist. He briefly looked up at his lover’s face. Blushed cheeks, lips parted, eyes following his gaze. Jon got excited all of a sudden. Tracing Richie’s happy trail with feathery touches he finally rested his hand on this massive cock, feeling the hotness and hardness of it. It almost burnt his skin, the man was so on the verge of it. Without wasting much time, he bent down and kissed the top and then slowly sucked on the head. Richie hissed, a little impatience in his voice. Jon proceeded to take the whole length into his mouth carefully so not to choke on it, fondling the balls at the same time. Whether it was Jon’s prowess or Richie’s readiness, it didn’t take long till Jon heard a rather loud moan of pleasure and felt the hot fluid spilling across his throat. He snuggled up to his lover, watching the orgasm slowly leaving his body.

“You’re welcome,” he smirked. “I missed us like that.”

Richie let out a sigh and fixed his eyes at the ceiling. “That was intense,” he admitted.

“I want more of you,” Jon took the man's chin in his hand and turned his face towards him.

“More of me?”

“Yes, here and now.”

“You’re crazy. We’ve just made love.”

“Yeah, so what? Is that all you can perform today?”

Richie’s eyes popped out seeing Jon’s daring look. “Are you prepared? I have nothing… you know,” he hesitated.

“It’s not I drive around with a bottle of lube but I happened to have it with me,” Jon said casually.

“Nope, you’ve just hoped for that all along. You wanted to get me in bed!” Richie laughed.

“It's somewhere in my bag. Just enjoy yourself, you idiot,” Jon feigned annoyance. "But a drink first. You know, all that sweet talk left me dry mouthed. I guess there’s some Jack left,” he scrambled to his feet, staggering a little.

“Sure,” Richie dragged himself out of bed and followed Jon into the other room. They had a few gulps and started making out in the doorway, Richie’s back against the doorframe.

“Oh my God, you insatiable thing,” Richie gasped out, feeling Jon rubbing on him mercilessly. Suddenly, his body went rigid, which instantly drew Jon’s attention. He looked up to meet his gaze.

"What?"

“Wait," Richie sighed. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you. Whatever we’re doing, we’re not fucking that up.”

Jon froze on the spot, getting lost in the darkness of his lover’s eyes and taking in the weight of his words. After a while he spoke up, feeling much more sober than before. “I wanted to know what love is, had to read between the lines. There’s been so much heartache and pain in my life because I’ve been looking for love in wrong places. Started too early, loved too fast. I think I got desperate to find it at all cost. And when I found it… look, I’m running away. I’m just hurting those I love,” he frowned, real pain etched on his face.

“This is so not the answer I was expecting, Jonny,” Richie smiled. “Nobody’s hurt but you and me. If it happened to you, it happened to me, too.”

Jon reached out to cup Richie's cheek and stared at him for a while before he blinked a few times, shaking off this weird dreamlike state, and indicated bedroom with a jerk of his head. “Come on, make the fucking poet shut his fucking mouth for once. Damn Jack lost all his charm,” he laughed, although he desperately wanted to wipe away the sorrow from his heart. He’d just heard words he only suspected were there and he thought that if they did not get in bed in that exact moment, he would freak out. 

He felt his cheeks burning, partly because of excitement and partly because of whisky, when Richie lay down next to him, touched them softly and leaned over to kiss him. Then he saw Richie getting up and straddling himself over the top of him to kiss him even more passionately, pressing his lips into his neck under his jaw. Richie grinned again, working Jon with his fingers and seeing the blonde breathing erratically. They both felt the inexpressible joy and arousal that was building inside. As soon as he was prepared, Richie looked deeply into Jon’s eyes and seeing the other man nod, he slowly pushed into him. The singer moaned and closed his eyes, arching his back. Richie pulled out and pushed back in a few times, while Jon tried to tilt his hips and get him inside faster. The brunette got the message and suddenly thrust himself deeply into him, pleasure spilling all over. They couldn’t even speak properly, getting immersed in their physical connection on so many levels. Even after they both climaxed, Richie continued the push until it felt so blissful it hurt. 

They were lying next to each other in the darkness when Richie said: “I wish I lit some candles, man. It’s so dark in here.”

Jon couldn't remember laughing so much. “You’re irreformable. I need to the bathroom,” he said getting up.

“I’m going with you,” Richie followed him. Once there, he crinkled his nose at his reflection in the mirror. “I think I’ve put on weight recently. Look at that flab.”

Jon looked at him increduously. “Somebody's self-conscious here? Try getting up earlier than when the sun is warm and jog around a little. Besides, who cares? I guess there’s enough space so get your fat ass over here or I’m showering without you!”

Richie didn’t need to be told twice. There was a reason why his bathroom was even bigger than his bedroom. He and Jon often preferred it over other rooms in the house while composing, not only because the acoustics was much better there...


	14. Chapter 14

It was early February when the band started another tour to promote _Keep the Faith ._ It’d been almost a month they spent the night together. To Richie’s relief, Jon seemed to be back on track. His own love life was almost nonexistent at this point. 

One night after a gig in New York, when he was chilling out in his hotel room, he heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was one of his bandmates, he almost got a heart attack seeing one of the security guys. “What the heck is going on?” He gasped, preparing for the worst.

“Some guests for you. Don’t ask me how they got there, I honestly have no idea,” the man said in a low voice and took a few steps back so that Richie could see two women in the corridor. They were both around his age. One was a slim brunette with shoulder-length hair and dark eyes, while the other was a petite blonde with baby-faced features, nervously biting her bottom lip.

“Hi, girls! Actually, I didn’t expect anyone tonight but since you’re here...,” he grinned, leaning against the doorframe.

 _He thinks we’re those sluts they call groupies_ , an angry thought came across the brunette’s mind and she almost blurted out that they weren’t there to fuck, but somehow managed to keep her cool. “Rich, seriously? It’s me, Jane! You don't look that pissed tonight. And this is Heather. We just wanted to talk.”

“Weren’t you blonde before? And wait a minute. You wanna talk now? Isn't it already bedtime for good girls?” Richie seemed amused but nodded at the security guy to let them in. “Fancy a drink?” He asked politely.

“Yes, please. A glass of wine will be perfect.”

Richie asked them to sit down at the couch while he went for the bottle and some glasses.

“I’ll help you,” Jane stood up and followed him into the kitchenette.

"I don’t know what the fuck is going on but you have one hot girlfriend,” he smirked, browsing through the shelves.

Jane chuckled. “She really wanted me to arrange a meeting. She was dying to get to know you in person.” 

Richie turned to her with a serious expression on his face. "It's flattering, but she's married! Just forget that," he said firmly. "I'm not best friends with Tommy but I don't want to fuck around with his wife."

Jane grabbed his arm. “They got divorced last year, just finalized it earlier this month. It's over," she whispered. "And we’d better get out of here or she’ll think we get something going on,” she gave out a muffled laugh and nudged him gently towards the door. 

Heather was still a bit intimidated but her face lit up when she saw her friend and Richie back in the room. “Oh, where’s a glass for you?” She raised her eyebrows questioningly, seeing Jane with just two glasses.

“I’m not gonna keep my man awake at night thinking where the hell I am,” she laughed and bent down to hug Heather briefly. “Be good,” she whispered and winked at her playfully.

“I will! Thank you,” Heather mouthed back.

After Richie had seen Jane to the door, he returned to the table, opened the bottle and poured the wine into the glasses.

“Since you’re here, we should make a toast,” Richie grinned, thinking the woman is just breathtakingly beautiful. He felt infatuation taking over him but tried his best not to show it just yet.

“For tonight?” She suggested coyly, a small smile playing on her lips.

“For tonight!” Richie raised the glass.

***

“I think I’ve met someone,” Richie said casually while hanging out at Jon’s place the other day.

“What?” Jon asked, stunned.

“Not what but whom,” Richie smiled with a dreamy look on his face.

“OK, who’s that? I don’t remember anybody around last few days,” Jon frowned, thinking hard.

“You won’t believe it. Sort of a blind date. Our mutual friend arranged everything. You remember Jane? Well, she has one hot friend, I’m telling ya!” Richie grinned.

“I have no doubts, Sambora,” Jon replied unenthusiastically. “So what’s her name? Do I know her?”

“Yes and no. You met her a few times while she was Tommy Lee’s wife.”

“That Hollywood actress?” Jon choked on his drink.

“Yeah. Heather Locklear herself!” Richie smiled proudly.

“How come? Are they divorced or what?”

“Yeah, she’s single now. And we stayed up late, drinking wine and talking about so many things. She’s so smart, so funny and man, she’s so hot! I think I’m falling for her,” Richie felt he started blushing.

“Good luck,” Jon said impassively. “And now excuse me, I have some stuff to do. Are you able to work today?”

Richie was hurt with such a cold response but Jon hardly ever let his emotions show, usually only when they got a little too touchy-feely with each other and which was rather rare these days. He pretended he didn't feel rejected and nodded, putting a fake smile on his face.

They didn’t write a single song that day. Once Richie went home, Jon went to his study and cried. He hoped this would be just a temporary fling, no matter how selfish it sounded. Life proved him wrong. Just seven months later Richie proposed to Heather and ten into their relationship they got married on December 17th in Paris. 

_Fucking Paris,_ Jon would reminisce later, thinking his own wedding in a chapel in Las Vegas was just cheap.


	15. Chapter 15

The whole year was eventful. Dorothea got pregnant again with a boy he would name after this famous gangster Jesse James and then got scolded for doing so. He never regretted that decision, though. 

Then Alec had a lot of crap going on in his life. Breaking his collar bone, not being able to play, getting hopelessly addicted to drugs and booze and ultimately, this infamous interview where he spilt all the beans and broke the rules of loyalty to the band. One day Jon just invited him over and fired him. Alec officially performed with them till fall and then Hugh McDonalds, the original bassist on “Runaway”, replaced him through the back door. 

Jon and Richie were working hard on the upcoming album but Jon kept being unsatisfied, finally failing the deadline set by the label. To make amends to the management, they released their biggest hits album “Cross Road” in October and did a mini Christmas tour in clubs. Richie’s relationship bliss made him unavailable at times, even before their marriage, and Jon felt there was just another person between the two of them. 

Jon had a lot to write about. Losing his faith, losing his best friend and losing his family. Almost. 

Scene number one. Richie saw a man in designer clothes and then a homeless guy huddling in a cardboard box on the street, then feeling immense guilt and drinking heavily for a few days straight. He would later discuss it with Jon who would put a series of little stories of people experiencing trouble and seeking spiritual help in the lyrics. Being in a similar situation himself, Jon thought it’d make a great song on the album. He was arguing a lot with God throughout his whole life but he thought he was never further from the Catholic Church than now. He even came to a conclusion that faith was something personal and not an organized religion. His heart, however, was restless and rebellious. He thought he lost something important in his life and was desperate to find it again but only on his own terms. 

Scene number two. He and Desmond waiting for Richie who would never show up, instead catching a plane to have a sweet date with Heather. It hit Jon so hard that he finally came second to Richie that he and Des wrote “Hearts breaking even”, a song he would never perform live. It was one of the most autobiographical lyrics he ever wrote and even Richie was surprised he got that bluntly honest. It was the closest to “I’m sorry” Jon could ever say to Richie, although many years later they would go back to discuss it once his marriage with Heather was over and they would feel this incredible closeness again. Even Desmond was worried if Jon was crossing the line but he stated firmly he didn’t want any lies, only let his heart speak. Being a close friend and a gay man himself, Des knew. He just knew there was something going on between those two but he didn’t dare to ask. When the singer had this song written almost by himself, with just some minor remarks coming from him, Des had no doubts who was hidden behind this heartbreak. When his collaborator left, Jon took out another bottle of wine and dried it, crying out loud. He knew it would be another sleepless night, tossing and turning, burning alive. He had the price to pay and he knew he was responsible for that. He was calling the shots, he was keeping the man on a short leash but once Richie settled for somebody to love him as a whole, he could do nothing to stop that, not that he felt it was right anymore. 

Scene number three. His quarrels with Dorothea became more frequent since Stephanie was born. Jon, after the initial excitement of being a father, quickly went back to his workaholic self, spending more time on the road or in the studio than with his newborn baby. She didn’t understand his attacks of anxiety, thinking it was because of the work overload, so she insisted on him being at home, which only backfired on them. When the tour ended in December, she thought it was the time but Jon went on vacation alone, claiming he needed rest or else he would go crazy. She finally gave in, seeing him in such a poor state she was hurting herself. It got better when he got back, there was hope to restore the stability in their family, but then, Jon became an insufferable bastard once more. She was in such a despair she started considering divorce. Only after she’d made the decision, did she find out that a year after Stephanie was born she was pregnant again. Even Jon was surprised but thought that maybe it was something they both needed to make their decaying marriage work. Dorothea confronted him one day, actually demanding for some additional help.

“You’re never home. How do you think it’s gonna work, especially now I’m pregnant again?” 

“We’ve hired a babysitter and there’s a cleaning lady who comes here twice a week. Somebody needs to make money, don’t you think?”

“I’m sitting here all alone. Steph’s so little, cutting a tooth and crying a lot. I can’t take a proper care of her because I feel nauseous all the time. You’ve been touring since April and you’re going to be on the road for a year or so. What do you expect from me? Making a baby is easy and it’s me who has to raise the kids!”

“You knew it all too well when we met. I never lied to you about that. I’m a musician and musicians are on the road a lot! You’re not alone. I’m coming home from time to time and there are hired folks to help you with stuff. Honestly, I can’t see what all this fuss is coming from!”

“Oh, fine. You’re the bread winner in this family. I should be thankful for what I have and stop complaining. I’m sorry you need to listen to some spoiled wifey who does nothing but spend her hubby’s hard-earned money!”

She stormed out of the room and refused to talk to him that day. Jon went to his study and took out some whisky from the cocktail cabinet.

 _Awesome, just fucking awesome!_ He thought to himself, taking a big sip. 

His world was falling apart and he had this weird feeling gnawing on him that maybe, maybe this was the time he changed something drastically and for once. He started sweating profusely, thinking those four walls were closing in on him. He remembered the few days he couldn’t write a shit, his writer’s block scaring the hell out of him. Now he was all alone, unable to think, unable to breathe. He stood up, leaned over and clutched to the edges of the desk so hard his knuckles went white. 

"Oh God, help me!" He gasped breathlessly, squeezing his eyes and blinking to wink his tears away which were soon flowing freely down his cheeks.

***

The album _These Days_ came out four months after Jesse was born and turned out to be one of the darkest in their career, even though Jon insisted they were all in a happy place. He somehow convinced his bandmates to go on another tour, promising them that once it’s done, they would all go separate ways to do their own stuff. Unlike their first hiatus, which was tainted with uncertainty of the future , this one was their mutual decision. Jon did his movies. Richie welcomed his daughter, Ava Elizabeth, on October 4th, 1997 and then released his second solo album in 1998. Tico devoted himself to his art and David nearly severed his finger in a home accident, which almost destroyed his career. They would reunite in 1999 to record a song “Real Life” for the movie EdTV and then start working on another album, which would mark their big comeback and establish their superstar position around the world.


	16. Chapter 16

“Welcome to my humble abode. Finally in a habitable condition,” Jon grinned letting Richie in. It was a warm summer afternoon 1999.

“Your crib is huge! I want to live here!” Richie laughed after having been shown most of the property.

“Wait. It’s not all. There are some outer houses I’m going to show you later on. But first a little surprise,” a sly smile appeared on Jon’s face as they turned into a dark corridor. Richie was following his friend, excitement building up inside him when Jon opened the door at the end widely.

“You can come in. It’s yours,” he grinned.

Richie stopped dead, stunned look on his face. “You’re joking, aren’t you?” he gasped out.

“Not at all. It will save us both a lot of time while recording. You can just stay overnight instead of driving back to NYC. And it will give you some privacy when needed,” Jon said casually, entering the room and waving at Richie to come in.

“I thought you said you have a guest house somewhere on your property?” Richie asked, squinting his eyes.

“Well, I do. You’re more than a guest, you’re family,” Jon smiled. “Now take a look around. Do you like it here?”

Still dumbfounded, Richie took a glance at exquisite, French inspired, yet cosy décor. An antique wardrobe in the corner. A solid desk with fine ornaments on the edges and a guitar stand to the right. A big, comfy bed with some cushions under the window. A few shelves and a bedside table. A TV stand with a stereo unit and two massive floor standing speakers completed the whole picture.

“You can make any changes you want. Make it yours.”

Richie pulled Jon in a brief embrace, emotions visible in his eyes. “Thank you, man. I love it already! But you really shouldn’t have,” he whispered, clearly moved by this generous gesture.

“Don’t mention it,” Jon smiled. “I’m glad you like it because we’re going to spend a lot of time together now since we’re working on the album again. Four years feel like a lifetime!”

Richie nodded, his eyes sparkling. “I can’t wait till we get into the studio, man! We’re gonna show those motherfuckers who claim Bon Jovi is dead that we still have it!”

“Rock’n’roll is not dead, baby but let’s make a trip to the Shoe Inn first,” Jon grinned at Richie’s questioning look. “It’s my private pub and I have a strange feeling I’ll make a no mean bartender, I’m telling ya.”

They both laughed.

‘So what are we waiting for? Lead the way, I’d surely get lost if tried to find it on my own!”

“Yeah, and why do you think this property is so fucking huge? If I pass out from having one drink too many, Dot won’t find me so easily,” Jon burst into laughter so hard he felt tears in the corner of his eyes.

“How clever of you,” Richie clapped his hands. “I’m pretty good at tricking Heather, too and mind you, she’s an actress, she knows stuff!” He added, having a very smug smile on his face. 

When they finally reached the place, Richie looked around appreciatively. “Wow, man, what a beauty!” He tapped his finger on the shiny counter.

“You won’t believe it but I got it all the way from France. In one unit, this fucking little thing cost me a fortune,” Jon grimaced but felt very proud all the same.

“Man, you’ve got a pool table here?” Richie’s eyes popped out when he saw it in the corner. “Wanna play?”

“I’m much better at mixing drinks than playing this shit but I think a few shots can help me gain my confidence,” Jon chuckled and went behind the bar. 

In the meantime, Richie found a rack with numerous CDs and put on some music. Soon they were playing, laughing at Jon’s clumsiness but neither of them was into it seriously. Jon was sipping on another drink, feeling the booze getting into his head. He leaned over the table, holding a pool cue in his other hand.

“I wanted to show you the recording studio but since you’re staying overnight we can do it tomorrow. I haven’t seen you for quite a while and it’s still too early to get back to the house.”

“Is that a proposition?” Richie raised his eyebrows, one side of his mouth turned up in a sly smile.

Jon put down his drink and looked down. “Maybe,” he replied quietly, drawing a small circle on the floor with his cue.

“Somebody’s shy,” Richie grinned and came towards Jon. He took the cue and put it back on the table, then made the blonde look up at him.

“You’re such a tease, Jonny. Nothing has changed, maybe only your hair, which looks great by the way.”

“You know me too enough so you know what should be happening right now,” he said lowering his gaze a little.


	17. Chapter 17

“It’s more of a forbidden fruit than ever, though,” Richie whispered, warm breath on Jon’s face. The other man shuddered at the sensation.

“Rules are to be broken.” Their eyes locked up for a split second. Neither of them knew who was the first to kiss but it felt so good. They weren’t sure if it was for the alcohol they’d consumed or the moment they got themselves into but the innocent touch soon turned into full making out, hands roaming all over, little moans escaping their mouth in those short breaks between hungry kisses. Richie grabbed a handful of Jon’s shirt.

“Take that off,” he gasped, maneuvering around Jon’s waistband at the same time. 

“Show some yourself,” Jon felt his face reddening even more. They stripped from their shirts, hair disheveled from constant touching.

“On the table. Now!” Jon got startled when he felt those strong arms helping him up the table.

“Oh my, I don’t…” he couldn’t even finish as Richie pulled his pants down in one swift move. He inhaled sharply when Richie took him deep into his mouth and then almost lost consciousness when the other man started sucking hard. He grabbed a fistful of dark curls, concentrating on all the pleasure that was taking over him. A familiar trembling started building up inside him and soon he came fast and loud, life force almost leaving his body. Now, with Richie’s sweaty body hovering over him and his searching tongue exploring his mouth, a dirty mind crossed Jon’s mind for a second. He pressed himself, feeling Richie’s hardness poking his thigh.

“I don’t….” he gasped out but Richie saw a pained expression on his face.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Richie frowned.

“I don’t have any lube here and I want you so fucking much now.” Jon hated himself just after the words had slipped his mouth but it was too late to keep it cool. He was drunk and horny out of his mind and if it meant begging for sex, let be it.

“Wait. There must be a john of some kind, right?” Richie grinned. “I think some liquid soap will do.”

“Go past the bar, it’s on the left,” Jon replied and lifted his upper body a bit to watch Richie go and then return with a triumphant look on his face.

“Uncle Mookie knows a remedy for every pain,” he smiled and bent over to plant a brief kiss on Jon’s mouth. “Man, you got so scared you almost sobered up,” he laughed.

“Shut up. You spilt my drink, look!” Jon ignored the remark and waved to a dark spot and a knocked glass in the corner of the table.

“Aww, how clumsy of me,” Richie cooed, no shame in his voice whatsoever. “Want another one? This time have a drink on me.” He chuckled and went to the bar to prepare their love potions. 

Jon sat upright, legs dangling from the table. It wasn’t the most comfortable position but he was open for new experiences and he was dying to move further with that.

It’s not that they didn’t keep in touch during the band’s hiatus. They were constantly on the phone talking for hours with Jon occasionally staying up late on his movie sets and then being unconscious the day after as they started shooting very early in the morning. Once he even took Richie to the cinema to watch _The Leading Man_ with him and all he said was that it wasn't bad as he basically played himself. Jon pretended to be offended but Richie made amends to him by taking him to dinner afterwards and ordered his favorite wine. Jon just couldn’t say no, even though it did look like a date. It surely ended like one, though, with both of them going back to Jon's hotel and making love.

When Ava was born, he came over and shared Richie's joy of being a dad. Heather refused to have more children while he and Dorothea certainly wanted more. Jon felt pity for the guy and appreciated his wife even more, despite of the fact that their arguments didn’t cease but escalated with time. He apologized to her in the best way he knew, that is through songs. Awfully lots of songs on his second solo album “Destination Anywhere” were dedicated to Dorothea and she knew it. How she fell for it he wasn't sure, but thanked God she did.

“You’re too sober, I refreshed our drinks a bit if you don’t mind,” Richie’s voice woke Jon up from his thoughts, who began to feel a little bored with waiting, and handled him a glass.

“Oh, I guess it’s more than just a bit but it warms you inside wonderfully,” Jon commented taking another sip. As soon as he had finished on the drink, there was a little buzz in his head and he felt exceptionally comfortable, all thoughts escaping his mind. “I’ve never been fucked on the table, let's see what I’ve been missing,” he chuckled. 

“You dirty mouth,” Richie was more than content with the situation progressing that way. His lover was very receptive to his touch so it didn’t take him long to make Jon ready. He lubricated his penis with the liquid soap hoping it won’t make them regret it the following morning. Having found some lone cushion on the coach under the window, he carefully placed it underneath Jon’s bottom. He lifted Jon’s legs so they were around his waist now.

“You’re OK?” He asked and seeing the blonde nodding his head, he ploughed into him, finding it surprisingly smooth after such a long time they did it.

“Did you practice without me?” Richie joked in a breathless laugh, moving back and forth in a rather regular rhythm of their lovemaking.

“I’m just your whore, Sambora. I know nobody as hung as you. Big is good,” he groaned while saying the last words as Richie pushed into him harder, Jon’s dirty talk turning him on.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” Richie said half-jokingly, staring back into the shiny blue eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

“I won’t last much longer but I’d rather have you here over me,” Jon stretched his hand above his hand, trying to communicate his wishes.

“This piece is surely a solid one,” Richie grunted, trying to climb the table. Jon had already pushed himself up so that he was lying in the middle with his legs apart and knees drawn up. Richie carefully positioned himself over Jon, who immediately embraced him.

“That’s better,” he murmured into Richie’s hair as he totally surrendered to him. It somehow stirred some deeper emotions in Richie’s heart. It wasn’t just a casual fuck between two drunk people or a desire which needed to be stripped down and consumed. Richie slid inside Jon, who hissed a little. He nodded at Richie to start thrusting and then asked him to speed up. The music was filling the room, being accompanied with some soft moans and grunts, which were getting more and more erratic. Some incomprehensible words were leaving Jon’s mouth as Richie came in his ass and after he was still pushing, he came as well, for the second time that night. Without pulling out just yet, Richie kissed Jon deeply on the mouth, while Jon tightened his embrace on him. 

They stayed like that for several moments until their breathing evened and both of them started sobbing softly, their afterglow triggering their emotions. They knew that tomorrow they would be the husbands and fathers, the musicians, the neighbours, the men known by their names but tonight, just for tonight, they were in their own little world. A place where there were no expectations, no rules, no sin, only the two of them. They knew what they had was coming from a pure place, was deep in their hearts and although it caused them so much pain and suffering, they never regretted pushing that last wall between them. 

Jon stroked Richie’s a little damp hair, a serious look on his face. “God knows I’ve tried to forget you in that sense. We almost said goodbye to it and hey, it’s there like nothing ever happ ened. Like there were no marriages, no kids, nothing that defines our everyday existence. It’s our tragic flaw,” hesighed, a shadow of sadness lurking inside his eyes.

Richie was staring into the rainy skies rimmed with dark eyelashes, feeling out of his body, out of his mind, just floating somewhere in the air. “If that’s what it takes, then that’s what I’ll do. If it’s all we can have, then hell, let be it.” He could swear those words didn’t leave his mouth but were whispered somewhere next to him. He meant them, though. 

He kissed his lover once again and started getting up, dragging Jon with him so they were now in a sitting position. “Wanna go to bed? I mean the couch because officially it’s a room to drink and play. We could cuddle some more,” Richie stroked Jon’s arms affectionately.

“Need to go to the bathroom first. I’ll clean it tomorrow,” he wrinkled his nose at the mess around them.

“I’ll help you,” Richie smiled. “Anyway, is there any shower at this place? I was in such a hurry I didn’t notice,” he said sheepishly.

“Sure. I paid millions for this little property, there are bathrooms everywhere,” Jon laughed, climbing off the table.

“OK. So I’ve got a plan. I’ll help you wash your back. No peeping, I promise! And it saves time and water.”

“Where are your glasses, Sambora? You would make such a cute teacher,” Jon laughed again and ducked to avoid being hit by a cushion.

“I think I’ll need to punish you. You’ll have to help me a lot more than just washing my back.”

“Now you make sense,” Richie sighed dramatically and followed him, feigning being in pain.

Later on, while trying to find whatever blankets there were in the room to make the antique leather couch resemble a bed more or less, Jon was instructing Richie about their joint statement on why they took so long so that Dot wouldn’t suspect anything.

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. I got it,” Richie replied with a yawn, spooning Jon and drawing the blanket over them. “Goodnight, Jonny.”

***

The next day they went back to the mansion, pretending to be more hangover than they were. Dot only raised her eyebrows seeing them drinking the mineral water a little too quickly.

“Men will be men,” she said shaking her head disapprovingly and went out of the kitchen to see what the kids were doing. Jon looked sideways at Richie and gave a thumb up. Richie nodded, a sly smile on his face.

“That was easier than I thought,” Jon whispered and then said in a louder voice: “I’ll make us some breakfast and I’ll show you the recording studio. Sanctuary Sound II. Do you like the name?”

“Yeah, sounds fine. You said it used to be a horse stable, how cool, man!”

“I know, right? Perfect for cowboys,” Jon said, giving Richie a knowing look.

“So what are we having for breakfast? I’m starving!” His stomach rumbled loudly as to prove he was telling the truth.

“Fancy some scrambled eggs? It’s good for a day after and I mean the alcohol consumption, of course,” Jon chuckled.

“Anything! Wanna some help?”

“Rich, I’m not baking a cake, for fuck’s sake. Well, I did once and burnt my finger but I really wanted to make this damn birthday surprise for you.”

Richie grinned at the memory. It was barely edible and hardly resembled a birthday cake but he appreciated the effort.

“You made a perfect cake, baby,” he beamed at Jon, who somehow felt stupidly warm inside and quickly turned back to the cooker.

“Ok, enough. We need to work today,” he mumbled under his breath.


	19. Chapter 19

After breakfast they went down to the recording studio, which would actually would become their recording spot for many years to come. The first album after the break wasn’t conceived in a day, though. The working title was “Sex sells” and it was supposed to be Jon’s third solo album but later morphed into a band album and became what is now known as “Crush”. The other working title was “One wild night” but it was dropped and used for the live compilation album the following year. Not that Jon and Richie could keep a straight face when thinking about that title, either.

“It’s my life” turned out to be a massive hit, which surprised everybody. Richie put Tommy and Gina back into the story and used the talk-box to make a connection with their biggest hit to date, “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Jon really wanted to sneak his beloved Frank Sinatra’s I did it my way phrase but Richie just couldn’t see it fitting the song. They were fighting over the lyrics as usual so Jon tried all his tricks on Richie to get him cave in. He tried to bribe him with food, wine and some other stuff until the guy threw his arms in the air and said: “You’re the singer, you’re gonna sing it every night. If it speaks to you, then it’s fine.” Jon never was more proud of himself. Not that he didn’t like the challenge and the whole process of taming Richie according to his desires. He could always find a way to somehow coax the man to do what he pleased. He knew he had that power and it sometimes scared him that he could abuse the other man’s freedom so easily. It changed with time, though. Richie drinking to excess, his numerous addictions and inability to face reality made him a runaway and Jon found out it became more and more difficult to communicate. He himself couldn’t deal with that objectively, being way too much attached. He knew he was forcing the other man too much but he felt this was right because it worked in his own life. He turned all the shit into gold and was sure Richie could do the same. Their life choices started to diverge, though, and their friendship shook to its foundations. But for the present the band was basking in adoration and fame. They finished the highly successful Crush Tour and subsequently One Wild Night Tour, which was an extension to the former tour due to popular demand, with two sold-out shows at Giants Stadium in New Jersey. They took only a three-week break after which Jon and Richie started writing again. Jon was acting in TV series _Ally McBeal_ at the time. He stayed at Richie’s house in LA so he could reconcile those seemingly conflicting interests. 

Jon and Richie were together, too, when the 9/11 happened. Jon saw the smoke wafting over the sea and he immediately knew something terrible had just happened. He run into his house to wake Richie up and then rushed to school to pick his kids up. Richie tried to call Heather but the lines were down. Dave’s sister, who happened to work in WTC, only survived because a fireman told her to run for her life. Over 100 families in the community lost their family members. The impact was so profound the band engaged in lots of actions to help the victims. They made a commercial asking people to donate blood, performed charity concerts and devoted a lot of material from their upcoming album “Bounce” to this fateful day. During the recording process of “Bounce” there was BJ.TV , a series of hilarious behind the scenes videos on their homepage, which are now legendary. Jon became a father for the third time on May 7th when Dorothea gave birth to Jacob Hurley. The album was released in October. Consequently, the band embarked on a Bounce Tour in December and stayed on the road till August 2003. Bon Jovi's compilation album _This Left Feels Right_ was released in November 2003. Not all fans were elated about those new song arrangements but the band would use some of those during gigs. Jon and Richie were particularly proud of what “I’ll be there for you” sounded like and didn’t give a damn about the commercial reception. Jon also said the record was all about Richie and his musical prowess as ‘he could even make the rusty strings sing.' 

In Jon’s private life there wasn’t a time for break, either. Much to Dorothea’s dismay, she found out she was pregnant again at 41 and together with Jon they decided it was definitely their last child. Romeo Jon was born in March, 2004 and Jon announced in public that “the clan’s complete now.” 

This year marked a landmark achievement for the band as they sold 100 million albums worldwide and it had been 20 years since their first record was put on a market. To commemorate both the sales and the anniversary, the band released a box set entitled _100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can't Be Wrong,_ the title being a homage to Elvis Presley's 50,000,000 Elvis Fans Can't Be Wrong and which consisted of many unreleased and rare tracks. Jon and Richie had already began working on their ninth studio album with a producer and songwriter John Shanks, the one who co-wrote all of the songs on the “Have a Nice Day” album and the one who would later on become a bone of contention in their songwriting partnership. 

While Tico and his third wife Maria Alejandra welcomed their son, Hector Alexander, Dave’s small world shattered. He divorced his high school sweetheart April McLean, a mother of his three kids, the twins being 10 and Tyger Lily only 4 at the time. Jon wrote a song for him called Novocaine to comfort his broken heart. However, he later admitted the song was also about Richie because he could see his divorce with Heather coming a mile away before it actually happened. When Richie found out Heather had filed for divorce in an interview. In a fucking interview!


	20. Chapter 20

Once he met Heather in person, Jon acted cautiously around her. It’s not that he didn’t like or hated her per se, he just didn’t think two A-listers could survive in a relationship. The key to his marriage with Dot was that she let him be the rock star that he was while she took care of the family and it never bothered her to be in his shadow. She was an independent, strong woman who could organize her life in such a way she could hardly be called a housewife. Later on she got so involved in the charity work that Jon joked all he did was to put his name on it. Heather was a completely different story and Jon knew that one day she would make Richie cry, although he wasn’t blind to her stunning looks and bubbly personality. 

Heather gushed about her husband in the media, claiming she found her soul mate, who was really grounded, family-oriented and very close to his parents, and that she constantly got love letters from him. The birth of their only daughter made them incredibly close, especially that Richie was a full-time hands-on dad, being on a hiatus from the band. Her career was flourishing for many years, first with _Melrose Place_ and then Spin City earning her numerous praise. When the latter show ended in 2002, it somehow started to go downhill and she was no longer an audience favourite, which she attributed to the unfair Hollywood attitude to women once they turn 40. She was still acting but it was nowhere close to what was there in her day. Desperate to retain her beauty, she began an affair with plastic surgery and botox, which would only get worse with time. Interestingly enough, Richie would flirt with facelifts and cosmetic procedures himself so whether they liked it or not, they both engaged in their pursuit of youth. 

Meanwhile, Richie’s career in Bon Jovi took off and the band were back in the game. Heather, acutely aware of the passing of time and disheartened with her husband being on the road all the time, began to feel trapped and suffocating in this relationship. A tinge of jealousy began creeping up on her mind and all of a sudden everything that Richie did or achieved was getting on her nerves. She couldn’t share his joys anymore because she felt left out, unnecessary and unappreciated as an actress and as a human being. The fact he wanted more kids drove her out of her mind because it would kill the already limited chances of getting any significant roles. Their disagreements became more and more difficult to overcome, their marriage resembling more of a bumpy road than a marital bliss. It wasn’t a secret that both she and her husband liked their drink a little too much so their arguments were often fueled with alcohol and prescription drugs. 

There were a lot of issues they were trying to resolve for years but physical distance created emotional distance as well. Heather became even more suspicious towards Richie’s fidelity when her then best friend Denise Richards suggested that it could be one of the reasons behind their lack of communication. She couldn’t believe what she was doing when she decided to spy on Richie and opened his computer one day. It worked like a self-fulfilling prophecy when she found out those obscene naked pictures of a woman they both knew, attached to racy emails on his private account. Her tears could fill up a bucket that day. Denise came at her place just after she got the call and she couldn’t hide her anger at Richie. She hugged Heather and stated firmly that she should divorce him now, as he must have abused the loyalty and there was surely something going on the side. Heather was devastated because it was her second marriage and she really wanted it to last but she felt she had no other choice, unsettled questions piling up. As soon as Richie got home, she confronted him. He was stunned and swore to God that their mutual acquaintance was harassing him with her nude pictures without his consent and that he never asked for them, nor he got romantically involved with her. All those excuses seemed lame to Heather and although she chose to believe him, the incident became the last straw. Richie went back on the road while she was weighing the advantages and disadvantages of getting divorced during many sleepless nights; her best friend’s advice poisoning her mind slowly but surely.

Strangely enough, this was when the rumours started spreading in the yellow press and would feed on the story for months to come. In order to quell the gossip, she and Richie decided to issue a joint statement to the New York Daily News in December saying that, "The real story is that there is no story. The truth is that after 11 years together, we are still happily married. Boring but true.” However, just two months later, she went to her lawyer and filed for divorce citing irreconcilable differences. It seemed Richie was the last to know when the ABC News Radio reporter, Leah Ricciuti, broke the news to him in a short interview just before their concert in Washington D.C. Convinced it was just another empty rumour he shrugged it off and went on to talk about his Valentine’s Day plans to be home with his wife and kid. The concert went as usual but the truth hit him hard when he decided to phone Heather and ask about it. He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, laughing at brain dead tabloid journalists, but Heather’s cold tone was enough to chill the blood at his heart. His voice broke when he asked her if it was just a bad joke and she just confirmed it. Still dumbfounded, he begged her to give him yet another chance but she seemed unyielding.

“That's it, I'm breaking up with you,” she said briefly and hung up.

This is when he heard a knock on the door. Unable to say a word, he stared blankly in front of him. Suddenly, the door opened and he saw Jon walking in, visibly upset.

“You’re OK, Rich? I’ve just heard…,” he asked, coming up to him.

Richie just shook his head, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, man. I’m so sorry,” Jon whispered, pulling him in a tight hug. Having the other man trembling and weeping in his arms, he felt his own heart breaking. “I’m there for you, baby. We’re gonna go through it together,” he whispered, stroking Richie’s hair. “I promise.”


	21. Chapter 21

It chanced that the band had a one day off in their tour schedule and Jon thanked God that Richie could have some rest, although he was painfully aware the worst was still waiting ahead. He knew just too well how Richie coped with stress and what the man would later describe as “a bottle of constant forget.” He decided he had to keep his best friend as busy as possible and although he had no illusions it would be one hundred percent effective, he was willing to give it a try.

After Heather’s unexpected move, the following month Richie filed for joint custody of their daughter and enforcement of a prenuptial agreement. It took them fourteen months and three judges to officially uncouple one year later.

The dirt started surfacing fast, the divorce becoming fodder for tabloids. Richie hooking up with newly divorced Denise didn’t help the already stinky situation he was in. The Heather friendly media conducted a witch hunt against him, making him the cheater and her the victim. Jon stood by his friend, supporting him publicly and telling the audiences that “there are two sides to every story and the truth in this one is standing right here on my right hand side.” 

It was just the beginning of the run of bad luck for Richie. Two weeks before the Asian leg of the tour, he slipped on the bathroom rug in his LA house and fractured his left arm in two places. There was too much money at the stake to have time to recover, though. He considered himself a hero to be able to play despite the pain, which he treated with booze and strong medicaments. This irresponsible experimentation only got him hooked on drugs and alcohol and marked the beginning of his on and off struggle to stay sober. 

Then again, his fling with Denise was flourishing, blowing the coals ablaze in the yellow press and making him a regular on their countless covers. He even brought her with him on the European leg of the HAND tour and during a break they went on vacation to Italy, where the paps had a field day. It was obvious those two were indulging themselves, pictures of the two of them on a boat or making out in the hotel pool like fucking teenagers. 

Jon was less than happy. He went to such great lengths to protect Richie but it seemed he was powerless to save him from himself. The man was out of control with alcohol and painkillers, spending most of the time with his coke-loving party girl. Jon knew Denise was destroying his best friend and wasn’t afraid of getting into another argument with him about her but the guitarist wouldn’t listen. Richie was slowly but surely slipping away, which made Jon’s helplessness turn into anger. Nobody was talking about the band or the tour anymore. Richie’s numerous adventures were the only point of reference. Where’s the man? What’s he done this time? Was it coke under his girlfriend’s nose or just some sunscreen? Their on and off relationship was fueling the junk press no less than his divorce from Heather until they finally broke up after about a year of dating and an alleged engagement. Heather wasn’t wasting her time, either. She moved on to a fleeting relationship with David Spade and after her divorce had been finalized, she got involved with her fellow Melrose Place actor Jack Wagner.

The fandom unanimously hated Denise and called her the Yoko of Bon Jovi , blaming her for all the drama not only in Richie’s personal, messed up life, but in the whole band. Jon and Richie’s friendship was once again put to the test.

Then came the last gig in Europe, the band playing in Kingston upon Hull in England. The fans were complaining it was one of the worst they had ever attended, with Jon being one hell of a moody diva. Only after did they find out that just when the concert was about to begin, Richie got the call from his mum that his dad had cancer and Jon tried in vain to cancel the show at the last moment so that Richie could fly home. That summer Jon revealed on Larry King’s show that Richie’s dad was in the last stage of lung cancer. 

The HAND tour ended at the end of July and turned out to be the third highest-grossing tour of 2006, just behind The Rolling Stones and Madonna. The price the band had to pay for this success was yet much higher they would find to their cost soon afterwards.


	22. Chapter 22

By December most of their upcoming album was done. While they were still polishing it to have it released in June 2007, their country song Who says you can’t go home with Jennifer Nettles earned both the Grammy Award at the beginning of the year and confirmed Jon’s belief their Nashville inspired album “Lost Highway” had more potential than they’d realized. 

Jon dedicated the album to Richie, the first single “(You want to) Make a Memory” being a hymn to their friendship and words of comfort in troubled times. When he first showed it to Richie, he was so deeply moved he actually got teary eyed and apologized to him for being a dick for so long despite all the loyalty and love he was given on the other man’s part.

“I was out of my mind at that time, Jon. Frankly, I don’t remember much, having that deadly mixture of booze and meds in my bloodstream all the fucking time. You’ve been one of the closest people in my life and although I just kept screwing up, the last months being a bitch to me, you’ve stood by me. Even those arguments from hell happened between us because you cared about me. I’m so sorry for being that ungrateful asshole, that fucking jerk! I just thought I could bear the weight of it, bear all the pain myself. I was thinking foolishly I had everything under control!” He cried, so angry at himself he felt tears pricking his eyes. “Great. Now you’ll think I’m a fucking whiner wrapped up in self-pity who only wants to win a little sympathy.”

Jon said nothing, feeling a lump in his throat. He took out slightly crumpled lyrics sheet with the song and slipped it into Richie’s hand. When the brunette locked his eyes with his, Jon nodded and gave him a little smile.

“Do you think I should break up with Denise?” His question startled Jon.

“You know what I think of it but I can’t make you do things. You won’t believe how often I do wish I had that power. How fucking much I’d want you to be happy, healthy and truly loved!”

The brutal honestly in Jon’s voice stunned both of them.

“I’m weak, Jon. I wish I could promise you…,” Richie hesitated. “Promise you to be a better man. You’re stronger than you think. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. My father’s dying. I’m about to get divorced. My relationship with Denise isn’t probably going to last, either. I have that love-hate relationship with you. Sometimes I think the only friend I have is the bottle keeping me company late at night,” he frowned and hung his head, knowing he would probably have one drink too many as soon as he got home.

“You could stay here tonight,” Jon said quietly. “And not only tonight. You can stay here as long as you want instead of going back to an empty house where no one is waiting for you. My home is your home, remember?”

“Thank you, Jon. This is what I’m going to do. I’m home,” he smiled and hugged Jon tight.

“Wanna go for a walk? I know it’s fucking freezing but I need out.”

“Sure.”

***

They were walking around Jon’s huge property. The sun had already set and only bright garden lights were twinkling in the gathering dusk, showing the way.

“It’s so romantic,” Richie sighed. “I haven't felt so happy and carefree for a long time.”

“Maybe because you’re looking for happiness in the wrong places,” Jon replied in a small voice, staring into space.

“What do you mean?” Richie stopped, trying to make out Jon’s face in the dark.

“The answer is here,” he pointed to his heart.

It gave Richie a sense of déjà vu, as if he had already seen and heard it before. Now, with a pang, he realized that he almost lost it all.“I know I’m a fool,” he ground out.

Jon shook his head. “There are no winners or losers in life. We all make mistakes. What does your heart tell you?”

Richie froze up, astonished. “How come we grew apart so much?” He asked in a pained tone.

“I was there all the time. I am there now,” Jon replied calmly and finally looked up at him.

Richie drew closer and cupped Jon’s face affectionately. “I must have taken you for granted. Please, forgive the idiot I am. I love you,” and he slowly kissed him. 

The familiar warmth filled them, eyes closed, surrounded by the silence of the night. When they finally drew apart, they could swear it was all just a dream.

“I love you, too. Now let’s go back to the house. It’s really cold in here,” Jon patted Richie on the arm and nodded towards the building. They were walking back in silence, still contemplating what had just happened. If there were ever any soul mates in the universe, they were glad they found each other. 

***

_Make a Memory _was released for radio airplay on March 20, 2007. Adam Sambora passed away on April 21st, just nine days after Richie’s divorce with Heather was finalized. He and Denise had already split up by then but kept it secret and remained friends. She even attended the funeral, which caused an uproar among the fans, who claimed it should have been Heather and not her. Richie stayed at Jon’s house after the divorce, with Jon and Dorothea taking care of him. He seemed to have had a hold over his demons but then summer came and proved it was all an illusion.__


	23. Chapter 23

June 5th was going to be their big day. After almost twenty years, the band was doing an unplugged show on MTV again, being the inspiration behind the series. Perfecting and polishing their acoustic renditions for days, Jon being the brain of the whole performance, he was too busy to pay attention to Richie, who finally dragged himself to the place. He only noticed something was wrong when the man almost tripped on the cables on the stage.

“Rich, you’re OK?” He asked from afar and almost lost it when it became clear to him that his guitarist drank himself into a stupor, barely aware of where he was and what he was doing.

Although they both lived in one place, Jon couldn’t supervise his friend 24/7, especially now when being so involved in the upcoming show. He couldn’t hide his disappointment that Richie had to succumb to his demons just now, seemingly having had everything under control so far. He gritted his teeth and approached Richie, his face a mask of badly hidden indifference.

“You think you’re able to play?” He asked, studying closely the brunette’s face.

“Yeah, think so,” Richie shrugged, his eyes looked askance at the other for a moment.

“We’re about to start filming. It’s very important to do it right,” Jon stressed the last words and Richie just nodded.

As soon as Richie began playing did it become obvious he was so drunk the band had to rearrange everything at the last minute. His mic was turned off most of the time so he couldn’t be off key and a whole bunch of musicians on stage had to cover his mistakes. Jon seated Richie in a chair with a guitar on his lap hoping it would be less obvious that the guitarist was in an alcoholic haze.

Towards the end of the show, Jon and Richie were on stage alone and Jon went on to tell the story about how they started acoustically at the MTV VMAs once. As “Wanted Dead or Alive” started, Richie couldn't play along! They tried twice to no avail but Jon didn’t give up and had the whole band come on stage to re-record the song a third time. It was so messed up it didn’t make the final cut but Jon handled the situation like a true professional and the show was done.

Just after the lights went off and the band stepped off the stage, Jon beckoned to the other three guys. “We need to talk but I need to take a piss first. I’ll be in my room,” he said in a stern voice and left, visibly upset. Tico glanced at Dave who just clenched his teeth. After four hours of tapping the show Richie sobered up enough to realise what actually happened, a miserable look on his face.

“Let’s go,” Tico pushed him forward gently, Dave walking on the other side. Just as soon as they turned into the hallway, they heard Jon’s yelling and stopped in their tracks. Richie frowned as if in pain while Dave stared at Tico, who nodded his head.

“Come on, let’s get over with it,” he whispered and knocked on the door. “Jon?”

“Come in!”

The room was a mess, things all over the place, Jon staring at them with bloodshot eyes.

“Sit down,” he pointed to the couch, ignoring the questioning look on his bandmates’ faces. “Nobody’s going to leave the room unless we sort it out. Richie, guess where you’re going tomorrow,” he said in a dry voice, not moving a muscle.

“I understand. My hands are shaking. I can’t deal with this,” Richie replied quietly, not daring to look up.

“It’s not that you fucked up the show or whatever. We’re your friends so we care about you. We need you in the band but we want you to be clean and sober. You’re so much more than this,” Jon rasped out, unknowingly clenching his fists. He was so worried about his best friend, he couldn’t care less whether the show was going to hit it big or not. He still remembered their walk late at night; that fleeting moment of truthfulness when Richie looked into his eyes and he could see his will to fight. Now the man was at the bottom, helplessness and guilt evident in his features. Jon knew his best friend was drinking all that time, he just wanted to pretend it was the lesser of two devils since he was constantly by his side. 

“I’m sorry. I will check into rehab tomorrow,” Richie’s voice broke, making him unable to talk. Jon gathered all his strength to act as if he didn’t notice him crumbling.

“It’s the only way to keep going, Rich. We love you, you’re not alone in that,” he patted him on the arm and nodded.

“I know. Thank you,” Richie said in a small voice and stood up. Dave and Tico followed, embracing him.

“Ok, so this is it. Thank you guys for coming over,” Jon smiled at his bandmates. “Rich?”

Richie looked up at him. Jon saw tears welling up in his eyes and somewhere deep inside he felt a part of his heart break. “Yeah?”

“Could you stay a moment, please?”

As soon as the door closed, Jon hugged Richie tight.

“It’s because I love you. You know that, right?” He whispered into his hair and then drew apart, his piercing eyes burning right into Richie’s soul.

“I do. Thank you,” he choked out. “This is exactly what I need. And now excuse me, I have to go to my room and get my stuff together.”

Once Richie left the room, Jon sat down on the couch and cried, letting go of pain and fighting tears no more. 

***

Richie entered a treatment facility in LA the next day, where he spent a week and what meant the unthinkable happened – he missed a Bon Jovi show for the first time. He returned to the band and performed on June 19th, the day their new album “Lost Highway” was released.

The infamous MTV Unplugged performance was aired on June 22nd, with “Wanted” cut out of the show.

The band went on the Lost Highway Tour at the end of October, 2007. Richie checked into rehab once again. This time he was in detox for a month in a private room at Cirque Lodge in Utah just before the tour began and where Lindsay Lohan was also a guest, which only fueled the rumors of the two having an affair. 

Jon didn’t let Richie out of his sight for a minute, keeping him as busy as possible. The guitarist proudly admitted in the interviews that a lot of songs on the album were about him, even those he didn’t help write like _Whole lot of leavin’._ His pain was the fodder for the whole album but there was an air of optimism in the lyrics and hope to carry them through it all.

Six months into the tour, Richie almost lost it all when he was busted for a DUI in March 2008 after he was pulled over with his girlfriend and his little daughter Ava in the car. The whole incident caused an uproar in the fandom, the situation turned serious since the man put his kid and other people’s life in danger. Heather was dealing with the divorce as badly. She attempted suicide the same month, then checked into rehab for four weeks on June 24th for anxiety and depression. In September she was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence and although no alcohol or illegal drugs were detected, she was fined and sentenced to three years of probation. It seemed the whole separation was the biggest mistake of their lives, their only child being the one who was left to fend for herself in a broken home.


	24. Chapter 24

“Richie? You’re OK? If you want to cancel some shows, it’s perfectly doable,” Jon tried to keep that light conversational tone but the terrible experience with Richie’s DUI just the night before was still fresh in his memory.

“Hi, Jon. Thank you, but there’s no need for that. Actually, I can’t wait till we’re on the road again. I’m going crazy here! I can’t believe I’m such a fucking idiot!” Jon could hear anger and pain in the other man’s voice while he was gripping his mobile tightly.

“What about Ava? Did you talk to Heather?”

“She’s home with her grandparents, safe and sound. I’m so angry at myself for all she’s been through just because I thought I would be able to drive her home. I don’t even know what I was thinking then!”

“It’s OK Rich, calm down. What about the charges? Have you contacted your lawyer yet?”

“It’s gonna be tough, man. The police asked for three charges but I hope my lawyer will work it out somehow. Honestly, I can’t remember being that scared in my life. I phoned Blair Berk earlier in the morning and we’re having an appointment in two hours. Glad he’s available today,” as Richie’s voice cracked, Jon knew the guitarist was on the brink of breaking down. He was so angry at him and yet, he wanted to hug him so badly.

“You’ll be all right. It could have been much worse. Man, it was so fucking irresponsible but I’m sure it will be a lesson learnt. By the way, our next gig is in Denver in five days. You’ll have time to straighten things out. I’m there for you if you need me,” he smiled, although he knew his friend couldn’t see it.

Richie somehow picked up on it because he finally seemed a little more relaxed.

“I love you, man. Jon, I don’t know what I would do without you. I’ll call you as soon as I leave the law office. Thanks again!”

“Don’t mention it. Now, you’d better get ready or you’ll miss the appointment. Take care and till later,” Jon said and disconnected, staring at his mobile a little too long.

***

A month later Richie struck a deal with prosecutors, pleading no contest to one misdemeanor count of driving with a blood-alcohol level above the legal limit. In turn, the district attorney agreed to drop the second charge that is driving under the influence of alcohol. Ultimately, he didn’t file misdemeanor charges of child endangerment against the guitarist, either, claiming the charge of DUI in itself indicated that you have endangered yourself and others.  
The Lost Highway Tour ended on July 20th. The fandom’s opinion was divided; Richie’s dangerous move was met with significant backlash from most fans but the band stood united in the face of difficulties so the whole thing slowly blew over with time.

***

The following year, the band released a documentary “When we were beautiful” directed by Phil Griffin, which debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival in April 2009. It was a journey through Bon Jovi’s ups and downs over 25 years and a live footage from their last tour. It came across as very candid, even harsh at times, with Jon being a somehow arrogant, cold-blooded boss, who was very much in charge of the Machine. While Richie frankly admitted to his many addictions and struggles over the recent years, he attributed his personal victory to his bandmates and family. Jon would half-jokingly admit later in the interviews that Richie had to be interviewed on the boat or else he would just run away if faced with uncomfortable stuff. That sparked questions what the real atmosphere within the band was like and whether the dynamic duo got along as well as they wanted to be perceived.

In June Jon and Richie were inducted into Songwriters Hall of Fame. It was a memorable night for both of them, especially when they revived that touching moment of the acoustic performance of “Wanted” and received a standing ovation at the end of the song. The magic of pen and guitar, which made the classic sound of Bon Jovi and earned the band generations of fans all over the world, was finally appreciated. Jon and Richie were having the time of their lives, posing for countless pictures, answering hundreds of questions and basking in the adoration. Chris Daughtry gave a tribute performance of “I’ll Be There for You” that left the crowd stunned and then presented the induction award to Jon and Richie. There was something about Richie’s speech that was so moving it brought people to tears; the way he spoke about music, the importance of songwriting, but most of all, the raw emotion when he spoke about Jon and that they were _beyond brothers._

Well into the ceremony, the two sneaked out of the room, a little drunk on the exquisite champagne rolling in.

“Ohh, I’m so happy tonight. We’ve finally made it,” Jon whispered with a slight slurring and pulled Richie in a bear hug.

“Man, you’re going to choke me to death,” the brunette laughed and drew apart a little, only to be kissed hard on the mouth. He just opened his eyes wide when the assault was done, a sly smile on Jon’s face.

“I just thanked you for what you’ve said during the speech. I suddenly felt I wanted all of these folks out of the place,” he confessed, standing so close their noses almost touched.

“There are so many people here. You left Dot at the table, she will want to go and look for you,” Richie gasped out when he felt Jon’s hands on his backside, their bodies pressed together.

“She won’t,” Jon murmured. ‘I wouldn’t cheat on her here, anyway and she knows that.”

“And what do you think you are doing now?” Richie raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips a little.

“You’re a different story.”

Jon was smiling no more, gazing into his songwriting partner’s dark eyes. He caressed the puffy cheek with affection.

“Baby, I love you. I’m so thankful, so fucking grateful, we met and we’re still together. And you know, it has not always been so, with so much shit going on,” Jon felt his eyes water and didn’t know whether it was because of a rather generous amount of consumed alcohol, being overwhelmed by the significance of the ceremony or both. He somehow got all mushy when drunk.

“I’m still your consigliere, your right-hand man in the gang,” Richie bit his lower lip in a proud smile. “Thank you for your patience, though. It seems you must look out for me way more these days and it’s my fucking duty,” he added after a while, sudden pensiveness taking over him.

“We can take turns. Nobody is strong all the time. I’m happy to be around when you need it,” Jon grabbed the other man’s lapels and pulled him closer, while Richie gently touched his elbows, fully aware of what was going to happen next.

The kiss was slow and almost chaste compared with the gush of enthusiasm earlier on. Beyond brothers was echoing in Jon’s head as he was deepening the kiss and melting in his best friend’s arms, the noise of partying people fading away till everything around them turned black.

Dorothea didn’t ask any questions when they finally came back, flushed and a little disheveled. Jon hoped she would think they had one drink too many but she knew. And as she came to terms long ago that Jon was never going to be only hers, so she did her best to accept their weird love triangle. She was also aware that her persistence and loyalty Jon so admired in her was what held them together for so many years. She wasn’t sure whether it was her biggest strength or weakness, she only knew she was too involved now to back out. She almost did twice and told herself that if it endured so much, it was meant to be. 

Richie saw some old acquaintances and went to say hello, while Jon seated himself next to Dot, apologetic look on his face. She just looked at him and put her hand over his but Jon got a distinct feeling the smile on her lips wasn't in her eyes anymore.


	25. Chapter 25

Not slackening their pace for a second, the band released another album called _The Circle_ on November 10th, 2009. Richie said the record was a return to rock and roll, while for Jon the title had several meanings from coming full circle to their guitar-driven roots, through reference to mafia and “hard to get in to and even harder to get out of” thing, to being a testament to having Richie at his side where one and one makes three. Then, they promptly embarked on a tour in February the following year, which was finished just before Christmas. 

Richie’s personal life choices were a continuing mess. He met Nikki Lund, an aspiring fashion designer and the two started NikkiRich fashion company, quickly becoming more than just business partners, although keeping it secret. Their collaboration lasted till he met Orianthi Panagaris, a talented Australian guitarist, with whom he would get romantically involved after his departure from the band in 2013. He pumped over $1.2 mln into the enterprise, but since he was losing more than he was earning and his new girlfriend got jealous, his affair with fashion came to a definite end. Richie’s old flame didn’t give up so easily and kept pursuing him till she got the man so annoyed he threatened to kill her and bury her body in the desert. She even taped their conversation and went to the court with the evidence but cut no ice with it and finally moved on with her life.

In October Richie was caught up in a scandal involving a high class, coke loving call girl who was his date at one of the Bon Jovi after parties in Brazil. The rumours that he and Dave were fucking around a lot during their stay in Brazil didn’t do the band any good so saying that Jon wasn’t happy with such a course of action was at best an understatement.

The band’s _Greatest Hits_ compilation was released the same month and was followed by Bon Jovi Live tour till July 2011. In the middle of the tour, on April 28th, just a week after his DUI probation period was over, Richie made the decision to enter rehab again. He was absent from the band for thirteen shows, joining Bon Jovi at the start of the European leg of the tour. Phil X took over his duties for the first time, never expecting to repeat the same feat just two years later, this time for good.

Jon was singing his heart out while the guitarist was away in rehab, ad-libbing Richie’s favourite song “I’ll be there for you” with words of love and comfort, pain more than visible during his performances. He was missing his partner and friend so immensely the fans all over the world were united in his grief. It was getting harder and harder to hide the growing deterioration in the fabric of their relationship, though. Once Richie returned, Jon welcomed him like a prodigal son but those were the last seemingly happy times.

2012 brought yet another drama into Bon Jovi squad. 

On January 12th Heather was taken to hospital again after taking prescription drugs and alcohol. It was just two months after she and Jack Wagner had called off their engagement. 

Richie went back to Denise for a while before they split up for good after a huge argument with Richie being jealous of her close bond with ex Charlie Sheen. 

When the news of Stephanie’s overdosing on heroin made the headlines on November 14th, it was like dropping a bomb. Nobody expected that, rumours started mushrooming, the whole fandom was in shock. Jon handled it like a pro again and he didn’t even cancel one show, performing as planned in December. The whole incident made a serious impact on Richie, though. He even made a rare tweet reassuring fans that Steph felt OK and made sure to have a heartfelt talk with his own daughter Ava, having in mind his own life-long affair with drugs and booze. Jon seemed to shrug it off, doing what he always did when facing hard times – working his ass off. This is when their arguments started getting out of hand, followed by the silent treatment lasting for days and broken only during gigs so the band would function more or less properly. It aggravated to a point of them both working separately. Richie took to his third solo album while Jon worked on the upcoming Bon Jovi record with John Shanks “joined at the hip.”

 _Aftermath of the Lowdown_ was Richie’s baby. He was so proud of it. After fourteen years since his previous solo album was released, he could now share his joys and pains immortalized in his songs with the rest of the world. He was completely honest with his audience, singing about the loss, the struggle with addiction, showing the gratitude and appreciation to his daughter for being his light. When Hurricane Sandy hit the US hard at the end of October, he released a special edition single, "I'll Always Walk Beside You'" featuring Alicia Keys, with all the profits from the sale going to The Red Cross. He started the promotion in December on Craig Ferguson Show but since the Bon Jovi record “What about now” was about to be released at the beginning of March with a subsequent sold-out tour to promote it, he had little time to fulfill his desire to go out and sing on his own. In the meantime, Jon had the machine going fast and furious, no sign of slowing down. Richie didn’t even care that much about his solo album anymore.


	26. Chapter 26

Just after Stephanie’s overdose he had this conversation with Jon that left the two of them beaten and bruised. 

“Jon, I know that what I’m going to tell you won’t make you happy but maybe we should put off the record and spend more time at home. Maybe Steph’s overdose was a fucking warning sign?”

“Forget it, Rich. It’s way too late to change anything. The tour is starting in just two months. I can’t let down the crew, the fans, so many people involved. They all count on us.”

“But it’s ok to let down your own family, right? It’s OK to be away from home all the fucking time? I’m sick and tired of it all. I need a break.”

“I’m sorry, man. You’re either in or out. There’s nothing in between.”

“Oh, now you’re talking like a Mafia boss. Do you even have a heart anymore or it’s just work and money on your mind? Your daughter almost died, for fuck’s sake!”

“Don’t tell me what’s right or wrong. You’re making mistake after mistake and I’m by your side all the fucking time, taking punches because you chose to drink yourself to death or fuck another useless Hollywood bimbo.”

“Good to know you’re so merciful. Have you thought about charging me for every kind impulse you have had towards me?”

“Stop that shit, you’re pushing the point. It’s work and you’re supposed to work if you want to be paid for it. Simple as that. Stephanie’s being taken care of at home, she knows I love her unconditionally.”

“It’s not about money. I’ve earned enough. I couldn’t care less about another million. I’m not even starting on my solo tour, screw that. It’s all about you. It’s always been about you, having the upper hand every fucking time. Right, Boss?”

“You know what’s the deal. I’m done with the talk. Tell me when you make up your mind. There are hundreds of talented guitarists who would take your place in a heartbeat.”

“So you suggest I’m replaceable? After thirty fucking years I’m still just your fucking employee?”

“I’ve never said that. It’s your interpretation.”

“But if I’m gone, you’re not going to stop. You know you’re breaking my fucking heart now. I thought we were _beyond brothers_ but nope. Now I got reminded of my place in the line. I’m just a fucking loser begging you like a dog!”

“Stop with the whining. You’re paid like no one in the fucking band. You know I made sure everybody knows who you are and now you’re swimming in self-pity like a spoiled bastard. Maybe I made a mistake allowing you to have it all your own way. If it weren’t for the bitch I am, you wouldn’t get half that far and you know that.”

Richie stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. When he got into his car, he gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles went white. He didn’t know how he reached his house. He went straight to his living room, took out a bottle and without bothering himself with glasses, he opened it and drank straight from it. He felt that maybe Jon was right, that maybe he wouldn’t be so successful or so rich, but he never felt more suffocated. He knew that if he didn’t dare to get out now, he would never have the guts to do the right thing. He cried helplessly, being aware that whatever his decision was, it wouldn’t be a win-win situation. At the same time, Jon was drinking heavily in his study, fighting angry tears and nagging thoughts of the inevitable waiting round the corner. If there was ever a price to be paid, he knew it was the time, but he couldn’t let go.

When they met the other day, Richie did what he always did and gave in. He clenched his fists, gritted his teeth and agreed once more to put the band’s interests before his own and signed the papers. During their Sandy Relief gig on December 12th he could barely hide his growing resentment, tension between the two so thick you could cut it with a knife, badly hidden behind their smiles.

Jon hoped Richie’s meltdown was a one-time thing and that he somehow thought it over, logical reasons winning over some unsettled questions. The “Because we can” tour started on February 10th and everything seemed to be going smoothly. They even celebrated his birthday, Richie singing _Happy birthday_ to him, getting kisses and hugs as usual. When he reminisced about it later, he remembered that when he was looking into his eyes, there was the same emptiness he saw in Dorothea’s eyes when he came back to the table at the Songwriters’ Hall of Fame ceremony years before. Richie just knew but Jon chose to pretend he didn’t see it.

When Richie asked him if he could get to Calgary on the day of the show so he could get his daughter home and unpack from their Hawaiian trip, Jon agreed in a heartbeat. He only sensed trouble when it was already midday and Richie wouldn’t bother phoning him. He was getting more and more impatient thinking what the hell took him so long but got himself busy preparing the avenue and checking on everybody, being the perfectionist that he was. It was 3.30 pm when he finally got the phone and it was his manager, Paul Korzilius, only to say “Guess what?” His heart sank when he heard those two words because he’d already known. Richie wasn't coming back. Having no time to look for another guitarist, he busted his ass on stage, pulling double duty on vocals and guitar that night. The next day Phil X was on his plane to fill Richie’s shoes once again, this time for good.

***

“Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger,” Jon would say after four years of silence, looking at an old picture and raking his hand through his silver gray hair. “Brother.”


	27. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first fic I had to actually make a research on the band's history and then a framework/timeline, so I could fit as many little facts as possible. Believe me, I had to look for the names and the places, dig out old interviews and articles. It was hard work so some of the chapters do feel rushed, I'm well aware of that, but otherwise, I feel pretty proud of this fic. Someone called it Bon Jovi Bible and for me, it was the ultimate compliment because this is what I wanted to achieve - to fictionalise the real story. Hope I managed to get as close as possible to that goal. Hope you've enjoyed the journey! :)

He stood there on the doorway smiling faintly. I tried my best to act casual but the truth was, my heart was beating so fast I was sure it was as loud as a damn church bell. I felt like it was a first date or something because I got dressed like five times and was nervous like hell. 

"Come in," I waved my hand opening the door to let him in. 

"Thanks," he said passing me by. His cologne smelled great and I thought how crazy it all was. He took off his coat and changed shoes while I was watching him. 

"Hungry?" I asked but he shook his head. 

"Actually, I've just had dinner." 

"Wine?" 

He smiled. 

"That sounds good." 

I went to the kitchen and brought a bottle and two glasses. 

"I'll open it," he offered politely. 

I nodded, looking for some snacks. He poured the red liquid into the glasses and sat down. I sat opposite him and just looked at him. It felt surreal. 

"Four fucking years," I heard my own words and gasped because I didn't intend to say them out loud. At least not yet. 

"Yeah, it took awhile," he nodded with a grimace on his face. "I'm sorry." 

"Well, let's drink," I said, ignoring this sudden confession. 

"Yeah, for tonight!" He cheered while our glasses clicked.


End file.
